Quotes
Rory: What is that stuff?
Lane: Eggless egg salad. Though this year my mom added food coloring to make the egg-like product look more eggy.
Rory: Smart.
Lane: And every sandwich comes with your own personal pamphlet "Dancing for the Devil", an illustrated look at the effect of dancing on your chances of spending all eternity in hell.
Rory: Boy, her flames are getting really good.
Lane: Well, she just bought a new color printer. You can do a ton of stuff with it.
Luke Danes: [about Jess' new car] He paid you for it, right?
Gypsy: Nothing's free at Gypsy's.
Luke Danes: And he paid cash?
Gypsy: Mostly twenties.
Luke Danes: Did you make sure Andrew Jackson was on the bills, not Alfred E. Neuman or someone?
Gypsy: Looked real to me.
Luke Danes: Well when he took the money out of wherever he had it, did a mask or a gun fall out?
Gypsy: No, but he was carrying it in a canvas bag with a big dollar sign on it.
Luke Danes: Really?
Gypsy: No.
Luke Danes: Good.
Gypsy: Guys are stupid.
Luke Danes: What?
Gypsy: You strip your gears, ride your brakes. And if we don't laugh after we make a joke, you think we're serious.
Jackson Belleville: [from off camera] I don't ride my brakes!
Luke: You go make her stop.
Lorelai: I'm not going over there.
Luke: Why not? You're a woman.
Lorelai: So what?
Luke: So you have the same parts.
Lorelai: What?
Luke: You shouldn't be scared of it.
Lorelai: Scared of it? You know, you're gonna be a bachelor for a really long time.
Rory: Oh, a girl told me once that if your scalp is hurting, drink a 7-Up. It has something to do with the fizz.
Lane: The Kim household does not have soft drinks!
Rory: Well, what do you have?
Lane: Something called salad water, imported from Korea. Trust me, it's nothing like 7-Up!
Darren: Do you know which French city famous for its water was the capital of collaborationist France?
Lorelai: Oh, me? Um, Evian, Perrier, uh, Le Crystal Geyser?
Darren: Jennifer, you wanna help Lorelai out?
Jennifer: Vichy.
Darren: That's correct.
Lorelai: Oh, that's right. Vichy water, I knew that.
Darren: What about the year of Germany's victory in the Franco-Prussian War?
Lorelai: Huh, me again?
Darren: If you wish.
Lorelai: I don't know that one. I do know Istanbul is Constantinople, so if you've got a date in Constantinople, she'll be waiting in Istanbul.
Lorelai: We can't have a mouse running around the inn. Our guests will freak.
Michel: Tell them it's a baby. People love babies. They'll talk to it in funny voices.
Paris: I can't do this.
Rory: What?
Paris: Date. I can't date. I'm not genetically set up for it.
Rory: Not true.
Paris: I get no pleasure out of the prospect or the preparation. I'm covered in hives, I've showered four times, and for what? Some guy who doesn't even have the brains to buy a Zagat so we don't wind up in a restaurant that's really just a front for a cocaine laundering ring?
Lorelai Gilmore: [fitting Rory's new dress] Maybe we should bring it in a bit more.
Rory: Oh, sure, but first why don't you use a medieval torture instrument to crush my ribs and flatten my spinal cord in order to accommodate your sadistic wishes.
Lorelai Gilmore: Don't use subtlety on us, we're slow.
Rory: Louise, what is your grandmother wearing to graduation?
Louise: Hopefully the pearls I get when she kicks.
Jess: I need ham.
Ceaser: No ham.
Jess: We got a shipment of ham yesterday!
Ceaser: No ham.
Jess: Ceasar, there is a lady over there that has been saying she wants ham for the last twenty minutes and if I go back there empty-handed, there is a fifty-fifty chance that she will eat me!
Ceaser: No ham!
Jess: Then sew some bacon together because that woman is getting ham!
Schue: I love my kids.
Goolsby: What? No you don't. They're hideous. My kids are at least attractive. Yours look like they haven't been baked properly.
It's all over the Broadway blogosphere. And by "Broadway blogosphere," I mean the one blog that cares about Broadway
Dustin