Carol: Helloo!
Mayor West: Well dot dot dot hello!

Chris: Aunt Carol, Mom says you'd make a great Florida whore, what does that mean?
Lois: Oh haha haha, Chris, I said that about Kate Hudson!
Stewie: You know, I always thought I'd make a great Florida whore.

Meg: Mom, she's so sad and lonely.
Lois: Look who the bleep is talking!

I always wanted a brother or a sister. Instead, I got a broster.

Peter

What happened? You guys stop for a smoothie. We almost ate lead.

Ray

Ray: Shut up or I'll snap you in half.
Lloyd: You'll snap me in half? When will you snap me in half because maybe you haven't noticed yet but we are about to die.

Mars and Starla. Tell me that doesn't imply some sort of cosmic connection.

Starla

You can go to any site you want until your forearm seizes up.

Erica

Don't worry Ray, if he wigs me out I'll give you my safe word. But don't worry, I've never needed it before.

Erica

A little eye candy never hurt a negotiation.

Ray

Guide: Bigger, bigger
Zev: That's what she said.

When I grew up, we didn't even have a chimney. Sanata Claus came in through the window.

Big Easy