Quotes
Eddie: What's this?
Louis: 50 small to buy your video game
Eddie: Why?
Louis: Because you don't have to be a hard man to be a hard worker
Jessica: Come on, I'll show you the Miller house. Let me just get my kids. Come on! Marco!
Evan and Emery: Polo!
Furniture store clerk: Good afternoon. Can I help you?
Jessica: Jessica Huang (shakes his hand). Seven years managing #1 furniture store unlimited in Washington DC
Clerk: Um, Ok, are you looking for anything in particular?
Yes, $18.50 an hour and I need afternoons off to help my boys with their school work, oh and on Thursdays I need off to do my mother-in-law's nails. We both hate it but there is nothing we can do about it now (cut to Grandma Huang and Jessica)
Jessica: Pretty color (dryly)
Grandma Huang: Very (equally dryly)
Clerk: Um, I think there's been some sort of mistake. We're not hiring.
Jessica: But you put this ad in the paper
Clerk: It's an ad for 25% off mattresses
Jessica: Exactly! 25% on the highest margin item in the store. You obviously need my help.
Evan: When I grow up I want my specialty to be homemade pickles.
Emery: That’s new for you
Evan: I was gonna tell you
Emery: No it’s fine. I guess I’ll just have to share a bunk bed with a total stranger (walks off in a huff)
Louis: If you want money you need to work
Eddie: But I can’t work. I’m only 11
Louis: But when your grandfather was 11, he had three kids as I say that I realize I’m exaggerating.
Eddie Huang: So a basketball man made a video game about karateing people?
Jessica Huang: Thank god, thank god. I knew you’d get it.
Jessica: $4.99?! I’ll give you $2
Store clerk: Popsicles are a set price, they’re not negotiable
Jessica: You’re good. I’ll give you $2.50
Lights. Camera. Freak show.
George
They love you when they need you, but dump you when all the fun starts.
George
Apparently, just watching isn't enough for some people.
Lindy
As in the 99% percent of the internet that's hidden from the normals. A haven for the weird and illegal.
George
People sweat a liter of water into their mattress every night. That's practically a water bed.
George