Therapist: I think we're just doing Good Times now.
Tracy: Now do the white dude that my moms left my dad for.
Jack (in stuffed-up voice): Now see hear Tracy, it's impolite to slurp one's soup.
Tracy: Whoa, no need to resort to ugly stereotypes.

Help me, Liz Lemon... you're my only hope!


I want to do that thing rich people do where they turn money into more money.


Oh, come on, Liz! It's the '90s.


Tracy: No, Dad! Don't die! I love you Dad! I don't wanna dogfight no more!
Jack (normal voice): Tracy that's it! That's it!
Tracy (to therapist): Thank you for showing me there really is love in my family after all. And I need to stay the hell away from them. Donaghy, you're the only family I need, Jackie D.
Jack: You got that right, Tre. You know it's too bad you didn't know Howard Cossell when you were growing up because I had that one in my pocket the whole time.

We open on a lone soldier walking through the desert. The year 1861, the place... Mars.

Dot Com

Kenneth: Miss Lemon, may I speak with you?
Liz: Sure. Can you walk and talk?
Kenneth: Uh... usually, but now you got me thinking about it.

Hey everybody, I'm back from doing whatever Liz Lemon said!


Devon: You familiar with the Church of Practicology?
Jack: You mean the cult that was invented by Stan Lee?
Devon: No, I mean the religion founded by the alien king living inside Stan Lee.

Jenna: I'm on a crash diet to get back to my old weight by Friday.
Liz: Well, what diet is going to do that?
Jenna: Oh, it's the Japanese porn star diet. I only eat paper, but I can eat all the paper I want, so...

She needs to lose thirty pounds or gain sixty. Anything in between has no place on television.


[sees Liz in wedding dress] Oh, no! Did a Korean person die?


30 Rock Season 2 Quotes

Lemon, women your age are more likely to get mauled at the zoo than get married.


Jack: All of my summer replacement shows were big hits - America's Next Top Pirate, Are You Stronger Than A Dog, MILF Island.
Liz: MILF Island?
Jack: 25 super hot moms, 50 eighth grade boys, no rules.
Liz: Oh yeah, didn't one of those women turn out to be a prostitute?
Jack: That doesn't mean she's not a wonderful, caring MILF.