Archer
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXArcher Season 5 Quotes
Archer: And Woodhouse, if you spend any of that on heroin, you better buy enough to OD on, because...
Woodhouse: Will do!!
Cyril, shut your pout-hole, accept the fact that Lana was so far out of your league, that impregnating her would have basically been interspecies breeding, and get on with your life!
Ray: Besides keeping everybody up all night with your damn hootenannies...
Archer: Wait, that was a hootenanny?
Jesus, these taste like calluses!
You think you're not sleeping now? Wait till that thing's born!
Malory
Malory: Are you bothering them?
Lana: I am. And also, Happy Opposite Day
Man, I am blowing this jug!
Archer: For what it's worth, we all kinda liked you the way you were.
Pam: Really?
Archer: Well, we hated you less. You kinda turned into a ginormous asshole.
How hot am I now? Let me answer that for you. AS BALLS.
Pam
Pam: That's pretty ironic, huh?
Archer: No Pam, once again you're confusing the word "ironic" with "you are an idiot!"
Pam: Oh my God, I can't feel my face!
Archer: Gee Pam, I wonder if that has anything to do with your cocaine-only diet!
Pam: I switched the coke in Little Rock, cause I was worried that...
Archer: That because of your fat blabbering mouth, Lana would get caught with it and have to have her baby in prison, OR because you were low on cupcakes!?
