She's the exact opposite of okay! She's dead, because she got shot seven times, and nobody could survive that, not even in a parallel universe.

Lana [dying]: Archer, I'm sorry.
Archer: Why, why are you sorry?
Lana: I got blood on you.
Archer: Well, I blew a load on your dress, so...

Archer: Somebody call an ambulance!
Charlotte: Ugh!! I already threw a chair!

Holy shit. Glad I don't have a flashback for that!

Krieger: You're better than this! You don't have to be a killer. You can use your powers for the good of all mankind!
Dutch/Barry: Yeah, I could, but I was a murderer before you turned me into a freak so I don't know why you thought this was gonna have a happy ending.

Lana: Hurry up!
Poovey: Jesus! You people would stand in a bread line and ask for toast.
Charlotte: Wait, there's toast?
Mother: WHY would there be toast!?!
Charlotte: Why WOULDN'T there be?

He [Trexler] didn't tell me to do it. Hell, I did it just to see his lights go out.

Dutch

Archer: Anybody got a joke about socks?
Everyone: [silence, gagged with socks]
Archer: Oh, okay, I got one. Uh, "Sock, sock?"
Everyone: [silence]
Archer: Then you say, "Who's there."
Everyone: [silence]
Archer: [chuckles] Okay then I guess just pout!

Lana: Excuse me, I am effecting an arrest!
Archer: Great, while you're at it, arrest him.
Lana: Who?
[Dutch Dylan shouts and jumps out of top story window]
Archer: [chuckles] ...if for nothing else, that outfit.

Trexler: Get me out of here alive, and the ransom money and we'll call it even, okay?
Archer: Uh, we're way more than even.
Trexler: How do you figure?
Archer: Because your final thought on this Earth wasn't about how my gun tasted!
Trexler: Fair enough.
Archer: Right?

Archer: Okay. A. ,The Tin Man is not a robot.
Trexler: The Tin Man is -
Archer: A magical being, like a leprechaun, Pinocchio, an enchanted Nutcracker.
Trexler: Whatever! He doesn't have a heart!

Lana: [to Poovey] Can you hotwire it?
Cyril: Nobody can, because it's English and it's stupid, with a bunch of stupid English wires.

Archer Quotes

Cyril: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Archer: Gee, I don't know, Cyril. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs.

So you just listen to me, Mr Man. Get me some video footage of hot man on man action by tonight, or don't bother coming home!

Malory