Gob: (to George Michael) Maybe we'll meet a couple of young coeds along the way. How young is too young for you?
Michael: Ok, that's not going to happen. Ok? There's not gonna be any coeds. There certainly isn't going to be any magic. (to George Michael) It is a path to a lonely life where people mock you, and you don't even realize it.
Gob: Um, Michael, I'm a magici - Oh, I see what you did.

George Sr.: What are you doing firing Kitty? You can't fire Kitty. First of all, you don't have hiring and firing power.
Michael: I do, and I had to... She's crazy.
George Sr.: Well, that's why you don't fire her. You don't fire crazy. You never fire crazy.

Lindsay: Speaking of which, have we gotten anything from Nana?
Michael: Buster got a perforated heart and Gob got that receding hairline, but you and I pretty much dodged the bullet.

Maeby: The only real way to find out how it's done is to sneak on the boat while he does it.
George Michael: Yeah, but then if he makes it disappear, won't everyone just see me standing there?
Maeby: Let's just sit quietly and consider how ridiculous that statement was ... Anyway, if it was me, that's what I would do.

As Gob was forced to send away someone he loved, George Sr. was forced to visit someone he had once tried to shove out of a moving car.


Gob: Spring break. It's my favorite holiday. Nothing gets me more excited.
Michael: I can see that. You might wanna button that shirt up.
Gob: Nah, I'm good.

Gob: I sunk it! I sunk the yacht! At least I think I sunk it. I mean, I blew it up and I don't see it anywhere. Oh, God, my heart was in my throat when that curtain came down and I'm looking out --
Michael: You sank the yacht? You sank a $700,000 yacht?
Gob: With $900,000 worth of insurance on it. And got rid of the evidence. How about a "Good job"?!

(Picks up phone)
George Michael: Good afternoon, Bluth company. Talk you off? Talk you off of what, Pop-pop?
George Sr.: George Michael. Oh. Hey, I thought you were ... When's that voice going to drop?

Lindsay: Where's Nana?
Lucille: I sent her on a wonderful cruise. You just missed a wonderful call from her. She just came back from a wonderful costume party that the captain threw. She gained ten pounds, there's so much food on that boat. She's up to 74.

Gob: And now you love the ten commandments. And yet you're the one who so conveniently forgot "Thou shalt protect thy father and honor no one above him unless it be-ith me, thy sweet Lord".
Michael: I'm not sure that one made it down the mountain, Gob.

Maggie: Did you ever see him return from these trips with anything unusual?
Buster: He once came back once with a black statue with an erect penis. It stayed in our living room until my aunt objected.

So, what about us? We were starting to establish some trust. Except for all the lies.


Arrested Development Season 1 Quotes

The zero hour, Michael. It's the end of the line. I'm the firstborn. Sick of playing second fiddle. Always third in line for everything. Tired of finishing fourth. Being the fifth wheel. There are six things I'm mad about, and I'm taking over.


(Regarding Buster) Maybe it was the eleven months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus. But he was her 'miracle baby'. And I-I was just too burnt out on raising you guys to care. So... He turned out a little soft, you know...

George Sr.