Michael: All right, listen. This is all getting a little crazy. We cannot accept their conditions if we don't even know what their conditions are.
Barry: Do you wanna read it?
Michael: I know it's thick. Why don't we just take it?
Barry: I could kiss you on the *bleep*.
Michael: Ah, well it's -- what?!

Maggie: It's like the ten commandments saying, you know. "Be true to thine own self, and to thine own self.."
Michael: "... be true." Yeah, number seven.

Gob: And now you love the ten commandments. And yet you're the one who so conveniently forgot "Thou shalt protect thy father and honor no one above him unless it be-ith me, thy sweet Lord".
Michael: I'm not sure that one made it down the mountain, Gob.

So, what about us? We were starting to establish some trust. Except for all the lies.

Maggie

Maggie: Did you ever see him return from these trips with anything unusual?
Buster: He once came back once with a black statue with an erect penis. It stayed in our living room until my aunt objected.

Gob: Sorry, did you say seals?
Gob's Wife: Yes! I trade trained seals for a living! Do you ever listen?
Gob: Do you ever stop talking?

Lindsay: We would like you to tutor our daughter.
Tobias: Now, of course, we are having a bit of a cash flow problem. But I assure you; if you bring our little girl's grades up, I will pack your sweet pink mouth with so much ice cream, you'll be the envy of every Jerry and Jane on the block!
George Michael: But we're the only house on the block.
(Camera shows a shot of the Bluth house in the middle of nowhere)
Tobias: Perhaps we should get somebody else.

Maeby: Enjoy the $200.
George Michael: This is six $20s.
Maeby: That's right.

Narrator: That morning, however, she had some startling news for him.
Cindi: I'm a mole.
George Sr.: Well, you know, God - God doesn't care how big your teeth are. Yes, you could go to a dentist and you could, whoo - you could grind off about - I don't know - 30%. Maybe more. Yeah, I wouldn't miss it.

Gob: I told you to walk away. I told you to give a fake name.
Michael: I did. Thanks very much. I'm Chareth Cutestory, a pirate lawyer. It was airtight.

Michael: Boy, the lengths you'll go to sleep with a woman.
Gob: Believe me, we didn't do any sleeping. I had sex last night.
Narrator: But he really didn't.
Gob: Yes, I did.

Michael: I actually had a pretty interesting night myself.
Gob: Really? What'd you do, read the plea?

Arrested Development Season 1 Quotes

Okay, we are just about ass-to-ankles back here, Maeby. Do you want to hop on your cousin's lap there, please?

Tobias

(Regarding Buster) Maybe it was the eleven months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus. But he was her 'miracle baby'. And I-I was just too burnt out on raising you guys to care. So... He turned out a little soft, you know...

George Sr.