Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Thursdays 8:00 PM on NBCBrooklyn Nine-Nine Season 3 Episode 2: "The Funeral" Quotes
Jake: He is the worst captain we've ever had! He drew boobies on my bulletproof vest!
Rosa: He stared at me for 90 seconds while he ate an entire peach.
Amy: He heard that I speak Spanish and he made me fire his housekeeper. She was Polish.
Charles: At least he doesn't practice his crane kicks with you.
Amy: Jake and I were talking last night...
Charles: Pillow-talk alert! Spooning or face-to-face?
Somebody give me a puka shell necklace. I'm going full douche.
Jake
Jake: So what, you bugged the briefing room?
Vulture: No, Scully butt-dialled me the other day and he still hasn't hung up.
I'm not the chief of detectives, I'm not The Vulture's boss, I'm just some guy in PR. I can't save your ass. I don't work here anymore, and the sooner you accept that, the better.
Holt
Terry: Anyone seen Captain Holt? He seemed a little down earlier.
Gina: Yeah, he let me choose the music on the way over here, which leads me to believe that he's given up on life.
Rosa: Charles, it is not like you to have sex with a stranger.
Charles: Really? Tell that to me in an hour, when we've had sex twenty-three times!
I've been asked to deliver a toast here after the funeral. A message of hope. This is what I have so far. "PAIN." That's it.
Holt
And now, a message of hope. Everything is garbage. You find something you care about, and it's taken from you. Your colleagues, your dream job, your mango yoghurt. Never love anything. That's the lesson.
Holt
