It is exciting, but there is no guarantee it will work. There's a lot of resistance to change. Nevertheless, it's our duty to try because if we don't; then we are truly lost.

Holt

Holt: This time, we're pulling out all the stops; it will be a truly extravagant affair.
Charles: Oh, how extravagant are we talking? Champagne pyramid?
Terry: Destination wedding?
Jake: Celebrity officiant?
Holt: We got the salad forks! Can you believe it, a second fork?! Who do we think we are?! Oh no, you're shocked at how garish it is. Now I don't even want to tell you the other surprise I have in store for Kevin.
Jake: Wait, let me guess -- you're getting bread plates?
Holt: Don't be absurd; we're not crazy. No, the big surprise is I'm retiring from the NYPD.
Terry: Wait --
Charles: What?!
Jake: Why did you lead with the salad forks?!

Well, you know what they say -- time flies when God pulls down his pants and takes a dump on your life.

Charles

Jake: Wait, what? Charles, we solved the case! He confessed!
Charles: It doesn't matter! I'm still not a Boyle. I'm just a normal person. Normal from snout to anus!

Jake: Well, I, for one, am pumped to be going.
Terry: To a funeral?
Jake: I'm so bored, Terry. I've been suspended for eighty-seven days. Mac gets dropped off at daycare, and I just sit at home playing Animal Crossing! But no one will buy my bugs or fossils! I'm desperate for some normal human interaction.
Charles: Coffin delivery!
Jake: Okay, fine, it doesn't have to be normal or human. Any interaction will work!

Amy: Ugh, this sucks! You didn't get to arrest Franzia; I didn't get to see Mac pull up. I guess we really can't do it all.
Jake: I don't know. I mean, you got to do the work thing, and I got to do the parent thing, so together, we could do it all.

Jake: Stupid Franzia is probably in his house right now trying to murder him and his family.
Amy: At least he's not here trying to murder me and Mac!
Jake: I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, Ames, but we both know you're grasping at straws.

Jake: This is why you don't have an arch-nemesis, Terry, because you focus on the wrong details.
Terry: Maybe I don't have an arch-nemesis because I solve all my crimes.
Jake: That's a pretty fucked up thing to say to me.

Jake: Amy! We know where Franzia is. We're gonna go arrest him; I need you to take Mac.
Amy: No, you need to take Mac; I have to go right now!
Jake: So do I! What do we do?
Amy: I guess we could call that creepy babysitter you like so much.
Jake: The babysitter is Franzia!
Amy: Even better! Two birds with one stone, we bring him to you!
Jake: We're not giving our baby to a serial killer!
Amy: OH, GROW UP!
Jake: COME ON!

Amy: I look insane. What am I gonna do?
Terry: Okay, style over substance is clearly out. But if anyone can substance the crap out of this, it's Amy Santiago!
Amy: You're right; I can do this. Substance over style.

Amy: No. None of us are scaling back. We can be good parents without sacrificing our careers. We just have to work as a team!
Jake: You know what? Yes, you're right, we got this! All we need is each other.
Amy: There's been a lice outbreak at daycare, and they're closing for the next two days.
Jake: What?! No! We need so much more than each other!

Charles: All these notes are from the same doctor.
Jake: Everyone got a blood test, and they all had mono? That seems really improbable.
Charles: Yeah, nobody gets mono at this age. You get it as an eight-year-old, and then you're immune.
Jake: Wait, you get it as an eight-year-old? Mono, the kissing disease?
Charles: No, it's the cousins' disease. You get it by kissing your cousins. Oh, I guess we're both right.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes

I think I am...getting a text message. Bloop! There it is.

Holt

And now, a message of hope. Everything is garbage. You find something you care about, and it's taken from you. Your colleagues, your dream job, your mango yoghurt. Never love anything. That's the lesson.

Holt