Buffy the Vampire Slayer Quotes
Buffy: Let’s just pretend for a second that Angel somehow found his way back to Sunnydale. What would he be like?
Giles: I really can’t say. From what is known about that dimension, it would suggest a world of brutal torment. And time moves quite differently there, so...
Buffy: I remember. So, he would have been down there for hundreds of years?
Buffy: Of torture.
Buffy: Not too crazy? Those are your credentials?
Mr. Platt: Look, Buffy, any person, grownup, shrink, Pope, any person who claims to be totally sane is either lying or not very bright. I mean, everyone has problems. Everybody has demons, right?
Buffy: Gotta say I'm with you on that.
Mr. Platt: Excellent. So, the hope I bring you is...demons can be fought, people can change. You can change.
Faith: All men are beasts, B.
Buffy: Okay, I was hoping to not get that cynical till I was at least 40.
Faith: It's not cynical, I mean, it's realistic. Every guy, from Manimal right down to Mr. I-Loved-The-English-Patient, has beast in him. And I don't care how sensitive they act; they're all still just in it for the chase.
Willow: I put those towels up for privacy.
Xander: Oh, no worries, I can handle the Oz full monty. I mean, not handle handle, like, uh, hands-to-flesh, handle.
Willow: Okay, well, it's not for you. It's for me. Um, 'cause I'm still getting used to half a monty.
Xander: Oh, good. Half? You and Oz? Which half?
Willow: Wouldn't you like to know.
Buffy: Mom, the only way you get a new slayer is when the old slayer dies.
Joyce: Then that means you...when did you die? You never told me you died.
Buffy: No it was just for a few minutes.
Joyce: Oh I hate this. I hate your life!
Joyce: I know you didn’t choose this. I know it chose you. I have tried to march in the slayer pride parade but...I don’t want you to die.
Buffy: You got a problem?
Faith: I'm five by five, here B. Living entirely large, actually wondering about your problem.
Buffy: Well, I may not sleep in the nude and wrestle alligators...
Faith: Maybe it's time you started because obviously something in your body needs uncorking. What is it, the Angel thing?
Buffy: What do you know about Angel?
Faith: Just what your friends tell me. Big love, big loss. You had to deal and move on, but you’re not.
Buffy: I got an idea. How about from now on we don’t hear from you on Angel or anything else ain my life, which by the way... is my life!
Faith: Why are you getting so strung up, B?
Buffy: Why are your lips still moving, F?
Faith: Did I just hear a threat?
Buffy: Oh, the one that nearly bit me mentioned something about 'kissing toast'. He lived for kissing toast.
Giles: You mean, Kakistos?
Buffy: Maybe it was taquitos. Maybe he lived for taquitos. What?
Buffy: Is that bad?
Giles: Kakistos is Greek, it means the worst of the worst. It's also the name of a vampire so old that his hands and feet are cloven.
Buffy: Maybe I should introduce you again. Faith, this is Giles.
Faith: I've seen him. If I'da known they came that young and cute, I would've requested a transfer.
Buffy: Raise your hand if eww!
Faith: God, I could eat a horse. Isn't it crazy how slaying just always makes you hungry and horny?
[They all look at Buffy]
Buffy: Well...sometimes I crave a non-fat yogurt afterwards.
Cordelia: I get it!
[They all look at Cordelia]
Cordelia: Not the horny thing, yuck! But the two slayer thing. There was one, and then Buffy died for like two minutes, so then Kendra was called, and then when she died, Faith was called.
Buffy: I just wanna get my life back, you know? Do normal stuff.
Willow: Like date?
Xander: Awww, you wanna date. I saw that half-smile, you little slut.
[Xander laughs and Buffy punches him]
Xander: [still kind of chuckling] Ow.
Buffy: Alright...yes, date, and shop and hang out and go to school and save the world from unspeakable demons. You know, I wanna do girlie stuff.
Buffy: Fine. Okay. I'm the bad. I can take my lumps...for a while.
Willow: Alright. I'll stop giving you a hard time...runaway.
Willow: I'm sorry...quitter.
Willow: Bad seed.
Cordelia: Time out, Xander. Put yourself in Buffy's shoes for just a minute, OK? I'm Buffy, freak of nature, right? Naturally I pick a freak for a boyfriend, and then he turns into Mr. Killing Spree, which is pretty much my fault...
Buffy: Cordy! Get outta my shoes!
Cordelia: I’m just trying to help, Buffy.