Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 2 Quotes
Xander: How are you guys doing?
Willow: Did I really hit you?
Xander: You knocked me out.
Cordelia: Did I hit you?
Xander: Yes. Everyone hit me.
Cordelia: Good. Well, I don't mean good because I hit you, but I didn't want to be left out.
Angel: So, you don't think about the future?
Buffy: No.
Angel: Never?
Buffy: No.
Angel: You really don't care what happens a year from now? Five years from now?
Buffy: Angel, when I look into the future, all I see is you. All I want is you.
Angel: I know the feeling.
[They kiss]
Buffy: As far as punishments go, this is fairly abstract.
Willow: No, it’s your baby!
Willow: Okay, I get it even less...
Xander: Well you know, it’s the ‘sex leads to responsibility’ thing, which I don’t personally get. You gotta take care of the egg. It's a baby. You gotta keep it safe and teach it Christian values.
Willow: My egg is Jewish.
Xander: Then teach it that dreidel song.
Mr. Whitmore: It’s often difficult to imagine that there are negative consequences for having sex. Would anyone care to offer one such consequence?
[Cordelia raises her hand]
Cordelia: Well that depends, are you talking about sex in the car or out of the car? Because I have a friend, not me, that was in a Miatta parked at the top of the hill and kicked the gear shift...”
Mr. Whitmore: I was thinking of something a little more common place, Ms. Chase.
[Xander raises his hand]
Xander: You want to talk about negative consequence. What about the heartbreak of halitosis? I mean, a girl may seem spiffy but if she ignores her flossing, the bloom is definitely off the rose.
[Cordelia raises her hand]
Cordelia: Like that compares to kissing a guy who thinks the hoover technique is a big turn on?
Xander: What about having to feign interest in her vapid little chitchat just so you can get some touch?
Mr. Whitemore: Now! Another consequence of having sexual activity. Anyone...else?
[Willow raises her hand]
Willow: How about pregnancy? That would be a major one, right?
Mr. Whitmore: Thank you, Ms. Rosenberg!
Xander: Whatcha got in the closet, Ted?
[He opens the door]
Xander: Let's go.
Cordelia: But we need evidence
Xander: We got it.
Willow: What's in there?
Xander: His first four wives.
Buffy: You died.
Ted: That's right, little lady. You killed me. Do we have something to say about that? Are we sorry?!
Buffy: What are you?
Ted: I'm a salesman. That's what you should have remembered. No matter how hard you put him down...
[He throws Buffy down]
Ted: A good salesman always bounces back.
Xander: What do we know?
Willow: Well, apparently the secret ingredient is not love.
Xander: What is it?
Willow: I'm not positive, but I think it's dematorin. It's like a tranquilliser; keeps you all mellow and compliant. It also shares a few components with ecstasy.
Xander: This is evidence. This is real evidence that Ted was some kind of a crook! Buffy's cleared. Willow, you are the best human ever! I adore you.
[Willow smiles]
Xander: That's the cookies talking, but you rock!
Buffy: Will, I'm not wrong here. Ted has a problem with me. He acts like I'm in the way or something. And Mom's been totally different since he's around.
Willow: Different...like happy?
Buffy: Like Stepford.
Ted: So Buffy, I bet the boys are lined up around the block trying to get a date with you?
Buffy: Not really.
Willow: Oh, they are. But she's only interested in...
[Buffy elbows her]
Willow: Uh, her studies! Book cracker Buffy. It's kind of her nickname.
Kendra: You talk about slaying like it's a job. It's not. It's who you are.
Buffy: Did you get that from your handbook?
Kendra: From you.
Buffy: I guess it’s something I really can’t fight. I’m a freak.
Kendra: Not the only freak.
Buffy: Not anymore.
Buffy: Still, I woulda kicked your butt in the end, and ya know why? No imagination.
Kendra: Really? Ya think so?
Buffy: Oh, I know so. You're good, but power alone isn't enough. A good fighter needs to know how to improvise...to go with the flow. Seriously, don't get me wrong, you really do have potential.
Kendra: Potential? I could wipe the floor with you right now.
[They stare at each other]
Buffy: That would be anger you’re feeling.
Kendra: What?
Buffy: You feel it right? How the anger gives you fire. A Slayer needs that.
Cordelia: I can't believe that I'm stuck spending what will probably be my last few moments on earth here with you!
Xander: I hope these are my last moments. Three more seconds with you and I'm gonna...
Cordelia: “I'm gonna” what? Coward!
Xander: Moron!
Cordelia: I hate you!
Xander: I hate you!
[They kiss]
Xander: We so need to get out of here.
Cordelia: Uh huh. [She nods]
