Johnny Drama: The guy was a mess.
Scott: Yeah, even more so now. What do brains look like?
E: Jesus.
Scott: Come on, I'm curious.
Turtle: They're gross. They look like mashed up spaghetti and meatballs.
Johnny Drama: They used kosher egg noodles and cottage cheese when I got shot in the head on New York Undercover.

Dana: Are you drunk?
Ari: No, I'm lonely and I just wanted someone smart and mature to talk to and Warren Buffett wouldn't take my call.

Manicurist Girl: You're cute; you'll get your groove back.
Ari: Stella did, right?
Manicurist Girl: Who?

Let me tell you something, I was starring in movies while you were still sitting on the bottom of your daddy's nut sack.

Dice

I'm not scared. I'm scared for the town. Because once I go out, women will fall and men will start wailing.

Ari

Ari: You're the good kind of addict. You're the I-got-messed-up-with-the-wrong-girl-and-ended-up-on-a-blow-bender addict. But Ertz is the Skeevy-old-man-who-got-caught with-a-crack-pipe-and-the-17-year-old-from-Speed-Racer addict.
Vince: Michael Vick drowned puppies and they let him play again.
Ari: Ertz doesn't have Vick's arm strength.

Vince: I was just telling my buddy over here how the program got me to let go of all of my anger towards you.
Carl: Well that's good.
Turtle: Yeah, I'm not in the program, so I still think you're a douche.

Eric: I just had sex with Sloan two hours ago. I'm not going to call another girl."
Johnny Drama: Why not? Double headers are the best.
Turtle: Yeah, just shower.
Drama: No f*ck that, I wouldn't even brush my teeth. Just splash a little water on it and you're good to go.

Ari: Bobby? Flay? You're... dating a cook?
Mrs. Ari: He's a chef, Ari. And he's a businessman. And he's kind, and respectful and generous.
Ari: He's a red-headed fire crotch. He's a genetic mistake!

Lloyd: I just wish you two were together. Because you're like the perfect couple. Like Lady Di and Charles.
Ari: Lady Di and Charles got divorced and then she died. Now shut the f*ck up.

Dice: She's the Avion girl
Turtle: Yeah.
Dice: Get the f*ck out of here, she's hot. How'd you get her?"
Turtle: I don't know, Dice.
Dice: And you banged Tony Soprano's daughter for a while too?
Turtle: What'd you Google me? Yeah, I did.
Dice: Kid must have a horse c*ck."
Scott: No no no, I've shared a locker room with him.

Eric: What do I do about Sloan?
Johnny Drama: Well I'd get my stuff out of there before she works herself into an Elin Nordegren state.

Entourage Season 8 Quotes

Johnny Drama: I told you to clear this place of all drugs.
Turtle: Advil?
Johnny Drama: All means all. Aspirins, cough suppressants. I don't even want a throat lozenge in this house!

You look amazing, man... that sounded kind of gay.

Rehab guy [to Vince]