Rachel: Daddy! Daddy listen to me! It's like all my life everyone's told me, "You're a shoe! You're a shoe! You're a shoe!" Well, what if I don't want to be a shoe? What if I wanna be a purse or a hat? No I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a hat. It's a metaphor Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.

Rachel: Julie! Julie, isn't that great? I mean, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?
Monica: (To Julie) It's an expression.

Chandler: Joey's tailor... took advantage of me.
Ross: What?
Joey: No way, I've been going to the guy for twelve years.
Chandler: Oh come on, he said he was going to do my inseem, then he ran his hand up my leg and then there was definite...
Ross: What? (Chandler closes his eyes)
Chandler: Cupping.
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side then they move it back, and then they do the rear. Ross, will you tell him. Isn't that how a tailor measures pants?
Ross: Yes, yes it is... in prison!

(Joey is watching "Wheel of Fortune", the letters read _OUNT RUSH _ORE)
Joey: This guy is so stupid. It's Count Rushmore.
Chandler: You know you should really go on this show.
(Later in this scene)
Chandler: Oh, and by the way, there is no Count Rushmore.
Joey: Yeah? Then who's the guy who painted the faces on the mountain?

You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection. (Thinking) Gum would be perfection? Gum would be perfection. Could have said, gum would be nice, or, I'll have a stick, but no no no no. For me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.

Chandler

(Singing) I am Bea. I drink tea. Won't you dance around with me?

Little Ross

Casting Director: Name?
Joey: Holden McGroin.

Joey: If the homo sapiens were in fact homo sapiens...is that why they're extinct?
Ross: Joey, homo sapiens are people!
Joey: Hey, I'm not judging!

Rachel: This is about you stealing my wind!
Ross: Your wind?
Rachel: Yes, my wind. How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?
Ross: You, you know I... I don't, have a, have a problem with that.
Rachel: Okay, I just, I just really need to be with myself right now. I'm sorry.
Phoebe: Uh uum, um, um.
Rachel: You're right, I don't have to apologize. Sorry. Damn it!

(To Rachel) Welcome to the real world! It sucks! You're going to love it!

Monica

Monica: Pheebs, do you have a plan?
Phoebe: I don't even have a "pla."

You know what? If we were in prison, you guys would be like, my bitches.

Phoebe

Friends Quotes

Rachel: Daddy! Daddy listen to me! It's like all my life everyone's told me, "You're a shoe! You're a shoe! You're a shoe!" Well, what if I don't want to be a shoe? What if I wanna be a purse or a hat? No I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a hat. It's a metaphor Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.

Chandler: Joey's tailor... took advantage of me.
Ross: What?
Joey: No way, I've been going to the guy for twelve years.
Chandler: Oh come on, he said he was going to do my inseem, then he ran his hand up my leg and then there was definite...
Ross: What? (Chandler closes his eyes)
Chandler: Cupping.
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side then they move it back, and then they do the rear. Ross, will you tell him. Isn't that how a tailor measures pants?
Ross: Yes, yes it is... in prison!