(To Rachel) Welcome to the real world! It sucks! You're going to love it!

(On the phone with her dad) Well, maybe that's my decision. Well, maybe I don't need your money. Wait, wait, I said "maybe!"


All: (About Rachel trying to cut up her credit cards) Cut, cut, cut, cut.
Rachel: (Cuts up one card) You know what? I think we can leave it at that. It was kind of a symbolic gesture...
Monica: Rachel, that was a library card.

Joey: Hey Pheebs, you wanna help?
Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.

Ross: (About Carol being a lesbian) She didn't know! How should I know?
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian. (Everyone turns to stare at him) Did I just say that out loud?

Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.
Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman sobbing at 3 a.m., "I'll never have grandchildren! I'll never have grandchildren!" was what? A wrong number?

Monica: I said that you had a nice butt. It's just not a great butt.
Joey: Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit ya.
Ross: There's an image.

Ross: I'll be fine. Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy.
Monica: No, you don't.
Ross: No, I don't. To hell with her. She left me!

Ooh... I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good.


Monica: Why? Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that?!
Ross: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than "to get you into bed."

Monica: I hate men! I hate men!
Phoebe: Oh no, don't hate. You don't want to put that out into the universe.
Monica: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?
Phoebe: All right, come here, gimme your feet. (Starts massaging them)

Wait! Does he eat chalk? Just 'cause I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl.


Friends Season 1 Episode 1 Quotes

Rachel: Daddy! Daddy listen to me! It's like all my life everyone's told me, "You're a shoe! You're a shoe! You're a shoe!" Well, what if I don't want to be a shoe? What if I wanna be a purse or a hat? No I don't want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a hat. It's a metaphor Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble.

Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth, and tied it around my neck...
Chandler: Cookie?