Friends Season 1 Episode 11: "The One with Mrs. Bing" Quotes
(To Phoebe and Monica) Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?
Chandler
Phoebe: Do you think they have yesterday's daily news?
Monica: Why?
Phoebe: Just wanna check my horoscope, see if it was right.
Chandler: So I told her.
Ross: Yeah? How'd it go?
Chandler: Awful. Awful. Couldn't have gone worse.
Ross: Well, how do ya feel?
Chandler: Pretty good! I told her.
Ross: Well, see? So, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, ya know, me kissing your mom, huh. But we don't have to go down that road.
Rachel: Okay. Now this is just the first chapter, and I want your absolute honest opinion. Oh, oh, and on page two, he's not "reaching for her heaving beasts."
Monica: What's a "niffle"?
Joey: You usually find them on the "heaving beasts."
Rachel: Alright, alright, so I'm not a great typist.
Ross: Wait, did you get to the part about his "huge throbbing pens"? Tell ya, you don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those!
Rachel: Alright, that's it. Give them back.
Phoebe: Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, no. I just got to the part about her "public hair."
(To his Mom) You kissed my best Ross! Or something to that effect.
Chandler
Monica: What are you guys doing here?
Joey: Uhhhh.... he's not even wearing a jockstrap!
Monica: (Pause) What did I ask?
Phoebe: (To Coma Guy) Get up, you Girl Scout! Up, up, up!
Monica: What are you doing?
Phoebe: Maybe nobody's tried this.
Chandler: Hey, you kissed my Mom.
Ross: We're rehearsing a Greek play.
Chandler: That's very funny. Are we done?
I was really upset about Rachel and Paulo, and I think I had too much tequila, and Nora, um, Mrs. Mom, your Bing, was just being nice!
Ross
Rachel: Chandler, I gotta tell you, I love your mom's books! I love her books! I cannot get on a plane without one! I mean, this is so cool!
Chandler: Yeah, well, you wouldn't think it was cool if you're eleven years old and all your friends are passing around page 79 of Mistress Bitch.
Chandler: You knew about this?
Joey: Uh... ya know, knowledge is a tricky thing.
Mrs. Bing: Ross, listen to me. I have sold a hundred million copies of my books, and ya know why?
Ross: The girl on the cover with her nipples showing?
