Futurama Season 1 Quotes
Bender: Friends! Friends! Surely you're not going to eat before we say Robot Grace? In the name of all that is good and logical we give thanks for the chemical energy we are about to absorb. To quote the prophet Jerematic: 1000101010101... (Time Lapse)... 010110012. Amen.
Mon, I'm hungrier than a green snake in a sugar cane field!
Hermes
Leela: (knocks on the restroom door) Bender, why are you spending so much time in the bathroom? Are you jacking on in there?
Bender: No! Don't come in!
Hey, what kinda party is this? There's no booze and only one hooker.
Bender
Robot Hell Song:
Robot Devil: Cigars are evil,
You won't miss 'em,
We'll find ways to simulate that smell,
What a sorry fella,
Rolled up and smoked like a donnetela,
Here on Level One of Robot Hell.
Robot Devil: Gambling's wrong and so is cheating,
So is forging phoney IOU's,
Let's let Lady Luck decide,
What type of torture's justified,
I'm pit boss here on Level Two.
Robot Devil: Ooo, deep-fried robot!
Bender: Just tell me why...
Robot Devil: Check out this 55-page warrant.
Bender: There must be robots worse than I...
Robot Devil: We've checked it out; there really aren't.
Bender: Then please let me explain,
My crimes were merely boy-ish pranks...
Robot Devil: You stole from boy scouts, nuns, and banks!
Bender: Ah, don't blame me;
Blame my upbringing!
Robot Devil: Please stop sinning while I'm singing!
Robot Devil: Selling bootleg tapes is wrong,
Musicians need that income to survive.
Beastie Boys: Hey, Bender, gonna make some noise,
With your hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys!
That's whatcha, whatcha, whatcha get on Level Five!
Fry: I don't feel well...
Leela: It's up to us to rescue him.
Fry: Maybe he likes it here in Hell...
Leela: It's us who tempted him to sin.
Fry: Maybe he's back at the motel...
Leela: Come on, Fry, don't be scared,
I'm sure at least one of us will be spared,
So just sit back, enjoy the ride.
Fry: My ass has blisters from the slide!
Robot Devil: Fencing diamonds,
Fixing cockfights,
Publishing indecent magazines,
You'll pay for every crime,
Knee-deep in electric slime,
You'll suffer till the end of time,
Enduring tortures, most of which rhyme,
Trapped forever here in Robot Hell!
Bender: Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me.
Leela: Uh... Do you think you could be a little less evil than that?
Bender: I don't know... Do you think you could survive a seven-hundred foot fall?
Fry: (chuckles) Good ol' Bender.
Leela: Alright, Beelzebot... What'll it take to get our friend back?
Robot Devil: Sorry, but I hold all the cards here. There's nothing I can do. (pulls out a pen and sheet of paper) Now, if you'll just sign this fiddle contest waiver...
(Fry reaches out for the pen and Leela slaps it out of his hand.)
Leela: Wait. What fiddle contest?
Robot Devil: (sighs roughly) The Fairness In Hell Act of 2275 requires me to inform you that if you can best me in a fiddle contest, you win back Bender's soul... as well as a solid gold fiddle.
Fry: Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds of pounds and sound crummy?
Robot Devil: Well, it's mostly for show.
Fry: Bender, are you alright?
Bender: No! Oh, they're tormenting me with up-tempo singing and dancing.
Fry: Unbelievable. It's an actual, factual Robot Hell.
Leela: Who would've thought hell would really exist? And that it would be in New Jersey!
Bender: Um, I'm only hallucinating this, right?
(The Robot Devil cracks his whip; Bender yelps.)
Robot Devil: No, Bender! Robot Hell is quite real! Here's our brochure. (hands Bender a brochure entitled "Hell Is Other Robots")
Bender: But I don't belong here! I don't like things that are scary and painful!
Robot Devil: Sorry, Bender. You agreed to this when you joined our religion. If you sin, you go to Robot Hell... (evilly) for all eternity!
Bender: Aw, hell... I mean heck!
Robot Devil: It's alright, you can say that here.
Fry: Come on, it'll be fun! Maybe we could even drink a little fortified wine.
Bender: What? Drinking wine is a sin. Even if it is deliciously fortified.
Leela: Hey, Bender, look at that woman's purse. It's hanging by a spaghetti strand.
Bender: Thou shalt not snatch.
Fry: And there's Hookerbot 5000. She's got a heart of solid gold!
Hermes: And as a further cost-cutting measure, I have eliminated the salt-water cooler.
Zoidberg: This is a witch hunt!
