Jackson: Oh my god. This is a great lemon! Seriously, this is the best lemon I've ever tasted. Sookie, you have to try this lemon.
Sookie: Oh my god. This is a great lemon!
Lorelai:(to Jess) Jackson grows fruit... and then he scares people with it!

Sookie: I think I'll make grilled cheese.
Jackson: Sookie!
Sookie: Well, what if he doesn't like pot roast?
Jackson: Well, then he'll like the salad, the mashed potatoes, or the corn you're making with the pot roast!
Lorelai: Hey, Sookie, the food smells great!
Sookie: It should. We're gonna make this kid think he died and went to heaven!
Jackson: Or Henry VIII's house.

Luke: Sorry we're a little late. We had a little misunderstanding about what time we're actually supposed to leave to come here.
Lorelai: It's okay. How's it going?
Luke: Oh, well, not bad. Oh, the bed popped.
Lorelai: Yikes. Was anyone in it?
Luke: Me.
Lorelai: You?
Luke: Yeah, I let him take the real one.

Luke: You won't bring up the bed?
Lorelai: Oh no, I'll definitely bring up the bed.

Luke: Wait, you need keys.
Jess: No, I don't. (Leaves)
Luke: I so don't wanna know why.

Luke: (On the phone) Hi, Liz. Yeah, he got here fine.
Jess: Got here at ten this morning.
Luke: Okay, hang on a sec. Jess?
Jess: Pass.
Luke: Jess, come on.
Jess: Nope.
Luke: What am I supposed to tell her?
Jess: Tell her I gotta take another crack at that closet. I think I hung my Tool T-shirt next to my Metallica T-shirt, and they don't really get along.
Luke: You really want me to tell her that?
Jess: You think a different band combo would sell it more?

Lorelai tries to get Jess to understand that Luke is trying to help him
Jess: What are you sleeping with him or something?
Lorelai: Excuse me?
Jess: I don't know. The whole starry eyed 'you're so much better off, just give it a chance' speech. You're either really nave, or you're getting some.

Taylor: You're a very jaded man, Luke. What happened to you as a child?
Luke: Some creepy guy in shorts and knee socks tried to sit me down under a tree and glue rocks together for two hours. Put that down!

Lorelai: Rory, this was a bad one, okay? This was not Nick and Nora, this was Sid and Nancy, and I'm not going in there.
Rory: But the coffee is in there. And it's Danish Day. Are you seriously telling me that you're gonna let a stupid fight get in the way of Danish Day?
Lorelai: No, I'm not.
Rory: Good.
Lorelai: So go in there and order two coffees and two danishes to go.
Lorelai: So go in there and order two coffees and two Danishes to go.
Rory: You're kidding, right?
Lorelai: And don't forget the napkins.
Rory: Mom, he's gonna know what's going on. He's not stupid.
Lorelai: He cannot prove that you're not ordering all that for yourself, can he? No, so go on. Scoot, scoot. Mommy's right here.

Jess: Wanna play some poker? Five bucks a hand.
Luke: No.
Jess: Ten? I can't go any higher than ten.
Luke: Jess-
Jess: Okay, fifteen.
Luke: I don't want to play poker.
Jess: You sure?
Luke: Yeah.
Jess: Okie dokie.

Wow, aren't we hooked on Phonics!

Jess

Rory: Good night, Dodger.
Jess: What?
Rory: Figure it out.
Jess: Oliver Twist.

Gilmore Girls Season 2 Quotes

Emily: ...Rory finished in the top 3 percent!
Lorelai: I know.
Emily: You do? Well, who do you know at Chilton?
Lorelai: Um...Rory. (points at Rory)

Emily: So, what would everyone like to drink?
Lorelai: Uh, well, I'll have a white wine and Dean'll have a beer.
Dean: What?! (taken by surprise)
Lorelai: Corona, right?
Dean: (completely panicked) No, I don't want a beer! I don't drink beer. I'll have water or soda or anything. Or nothing. Not beer. Never beer. Beer is... beer's bad.
Emily: Relax Dean, that's just Lorelai's little sense of humor. (to Lorelai) You're very cruel.
Lorelai: Well, yes, keeps me young.
Dean: I'm just gonna sit here and stare at my hands.
Emily: Soda Dean?
Dean: Please.
Emily: Rory?
Rory: Oh, I'll have a beer. (Emily and Lorelai laugh) I'm sorry Dean, we're not laughing at you.
Lorelai: Oh wait, I think I was.
Emily: I think I was a little too. (Richard walks in) Oh Richard, there you are. Come join us.
Lorelai: Hey Dad.
Rory: Grandpa, hi. This is Dean. Dean, this is my Grandpa.
Dean: Hi. Sorry, uh, hi. (he gets ups and walks over to Richard)
Richard: Hello.
Dean: (offers to shake his hand) It's uh... it's nice to meet...
Richard: (ignores Dean's hand) Does everyone have drinks?
Lorelai: Uh yeah, we all have drinks. Thanks.
Dean: (he moves back to his seat and whispers to Lorelai) Should we do the beer thing again?
Lorelai: Uh, I don't think so.