If porn was bad, why would there be so many nuns in it?

House: First she got mad, then I stole her computer to fix things. And then we got the case.
Mrs. Corwin: Wait, so you tried to fix your relationship by stealing her computer?
House: Well, when you say it like that... yes.

Sophie: Isn't that like sexual harassment?
House: Not if you're good-looking.

Colleen: I clearly didn't lead him along or anything like that, which proves that I'm not a tease. So why is your girlfriend mad at you?
House: I'm getting a kind of bossy vibe. I take it you're into that?
Colleen: Don't answer. Your turn.

House: They're all morons and everybody lies.
Gabe: Wait, if everybody lies, then that means you're lying right now.
House: I didn't say everybody always lies... Aristotle.

You are my problem. You are the most selfish, self-centered son of a bitch on the face of the planet! And I'm sick of it! I'm just... done. I can't deal with you anymore.


Dr. Foreman: Why are you giving me these?
House: Because, while they're all running all these tests, you will be submitting the insurance forms.
Dr. Foreman: There's an entire department for that.
House: Exactly. The Foreman Department. Of which you are the foreman, Foreman.

Dr. Foreman: You're nothing but excuses and distractions.
Taub: Well, it's a nice match with your condescension and superiority.

House: Masters, when you finally blossom into a woman, would you ever sleep with a man who had a cat?
Masters: Sure.
House: Wrong, the answer is no. Slut.

Dr. Wilson: Sarah would have been destroyed at the shelter.
House: Aww, who wouldn't want a cat that croaks if you're not at home twice a day to shoot it up?

Taub: I'm totally fine. I aced my first pathology boards.
Dr. Foreman: Medicine's come a long way in the last hundred years.

Masters: What about a tutor?
Taub: I don't need a tutor.
House: Tutor it is. Choose your poison. Chase, if you prefer pounding Aussie beers and commiserating over the suckiness of divorce. Masters, if you want nervous energy, flash cards, and obnoxious pieces of arcane trivia. Foreman, if you need to be berated by a humorless hard-ass.
Taub: Foreman.
House: Interesting. You must be more worried than you look.

House Season 7 Quotes

Dr. Cuddy's first assignment was for me to get to know everything about Dr. House's team... and not to believe anything any of them told me.


Dr. Foreman: Has anyone seen House?
Taub: It's 10:00 a.m. I'd be worried if he was here.