Ted: Maybe it's destiny?
Barney: Nah, Destiny strips at the Melon Patch. They're people Ted, try to keep 'em straight.

Barney: What am I going to do about this Quinn thing? I want to ask her out again but I don't know how I feel about her being a stripper.
Ted: Why would you have an issue with that? You've dated convicted felons, arms dealers... pageant moms?

Lily: You'll be playing with two charter members of the East Meadow Alley Cats.
Marshall: We're a hot dog eating team with a bowling problem.

When did I become such a gooey romantic?

Barney

Lily: For Ted's sake I hate to say this but, pay up.
Marshall: Not yet.

Ted: Barney that was my VCR.
Barney: Ted, it was a VCR!

Ted: Barney, you've really grown up, you know that?
Barney: Thanks, now lets watch our two best friends have sex on tape!

To the outdated viewing device!

Barney

Marshall: I gotta say that making money off this bet just makes me feel...
Lily: More alive than you've felt in years?
Marshall: Yes!
Lily: New hobby!
Marshall: We need a checks box, some glitter and some glue!

Not like this Lily, not like this.

Marshall

Do you think that if we did it...and I did a really good job...that I could turn that into my baby?

Barney

Oh God I am so hungover! Oh God, Lily's not wearing a bra!

Barney

How I Met Your Mother Season 7 Quotes

Barney: Come on Robin, it's my penis we're talkin' about! You've seen her, she's magnificent!
Robin: She?
Barney: Every penis is a girl Robin. Everyone knows that, like ships...and lake monsters.

She's my everything Robin, my sun, my stars, my oxygen. Plus she likes it fast and dirty and that's the way Sandy rides!

Sandy Rivers