Frank: You’re talking like you know me. Have we ever met?
Waiter: Let’s just move past this part.

Mac: Bro you texted us 911 what’s the emergency?!
Charlie: Uh, well, our friendships in danger!

Throw those god damn flowers in the trash.

Dennis

Frank: Don’t talk out loud to me!
Charlie: Roger that!

Dennis: We gotta get back in our apartment man.
Mac: Yeah I know, I hate Dee.
Dennis: Yeah I hate her.

Dennis: The one time we let you on the team instead of Charlie and all we get is back sass?! Do you even want to be on the team?Dee: Yeah, yeah, I wanna be part of the team sorry!

The real threat is here at home! We gotta spy on Mac and Dennis.

Frank

Let’s not get crazy here, you’re always gonna be the butt of the jokes.

Dennis


Mac: Did you do that?
Dennis: You know what? I think I did.
Mac: Yeah I think I saw you!

It could be the stairs, or the cleanliness.

Charlie

Just do it Dee, just do it you god damn bitch! Ohhhh, that god damn bitch!

Charlie

You move the god damn dumpster you bitch.

Charlie

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Charlie: I'll totally pull a Good Will Hunting on those kids and that'll put them in their place.
Mac: How you gonna do that?
Charlie: Well, you've seen the movie right?
Mac: Yeah.
Charlie: So all I gotta do is, I'll ask them some big shot, like math or science, history-type college question aand that will totally stump them by knowing a lot more about the answer than they do.
Mac: In that movie, Matt Damon played a genius janitor, you're just a janitor.
Charlie: Right, you stumped me with that one.

Mac: He doesn't have any poison.
Charlie: I don't have any on me, but I do keep some in my fridge at home in the relish jar.
Frank: There's poison in that jar? I thought I was allergic to pickles. What's in the jar with the skull and crossbones?
Charlie: Well that's mayonnaise. It's a decoy.
Frank: And the mayo?
Charlie: That's shampoo.
Frank: You're telling I've been putting shampoo on my sandwiches?
Charlie: If you've been using the mayonnaise, then yeah, probably.