Stop talking to me like I'm an a**hole!

Mac's mom

If you think Jesus and the lord are so great, why don't have you have them swing by in their Lamborghinis and drive you home?

Dennis

Deandra. That's not gonna be my future. I'm not gonna be buried in a grave. When I'm dead, just throw me in the trash.

Frank

Did you sex my mom, Santa Clause?

Charlie

Ricky: So you stole this from me and you're coming back 20 years later to return it to me?
Charlie: At this point, I feel the robot's fallen under the finder-keepers law of America.

Dee: People are starting to notice.
Dennis: Of course they're starting to notice! There's a grown man crammed into a coach.

Based on that story, I'm fairly certain those Santas were running a train on your mother for money.

Mac

See, Mr. Hamilton, we feel if Frank can just understand what a dick he's been to people in his past and and how he's just going to end up old and alone like yourself, then maybe he'll be able to make up for some of his past mistakes.

Dee

Frank: You have to earn what you get. This principle made me a multi-millionaire.
Dee: No. No. Stealing millions of dollars from your ex-business partner is what made you a millionaire, Frank.
Frank: Eugene Hamilton was a great man! Do not speak ill of the dead.
Dennis: She's speaking ill of you!

Frank didn't buy shitty presents. Frank bought the most awesome presents in the entire world. As a matter of fact, he would find out what Christmas presents we wanted that year and he'd buy it for himself, instead of buying them for us.

Dennis

Mac: No, your other left.
Charlie: My other left? I only have one left.
Mac: It's just an expression. Just move it to the other direction.
Charlie: What would that expression be for? For someone with two lefts?
Mac: No, just move it the other way.
Charlie: Towards your left?
Mac: Your left and my left are the same left because we're facing the same direction.
Charlie: Eh, we're two different people so we can't have the same left. It doesn't make sense.

[The baby] ruined my transmission, it ruined a perfectly good sewer conversation, I still want to get to the bottom of that one...

Dennis

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 6 Quotes

Mac: Why are you jamming me up, bro?
Gym Manager: I'm not trying to jam you up, I just don't believe you.
Mac: What is not to believe? I'm absolutely Dennis Reynolds.
Gym Manager: This picture looks nothing like you.
Mac: Well, thank you, cause I've actually packed on about fifteen to twenty pounds of solid bulk muscle since that picture was taken. It's actually a testament to your gym.

I gotta get my pump on.

Mac