Favorite Mike & Molly Quotes
Carl: If I die before you and you have to write my eulogy, compare me to chicken piccata.
Mike: Done.
Did I dream this, or last night were you drunk in the backyard throwing a knife at a tree?
Victoria [to Molly]
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm getting married in three months, and I've got squat. I don't remember writing any of this.
You don't need to sweat the vows. I've heard you wax poetic for 20 minutes about a chunk of lasagna.
Carl
Molly: You're doing a great job of sticking to your diet, sweetie.
Mike: Well, since you're set on me wearing white tux at the wedding, I'd rather look like refrigerator than a milk truck.
When you go on vacation it's kind of a vacation for all of us.
Mike: I'm the kind of guy that likes to think things through.
Carl: Since when? I once saw you eat a marshmallow that was still on fire.
Joyce: Remember when I took you kids to the circus, and we saw that big bear on a unicycle?
Molly: Yeah...what does that have to do with anything?
Joyce: Beats me. It just popped into my head.
Do you really want to raise a child in a house with your mom and sister? His first birthday will be at the Betty Ford Clinic!
Peggy: Just make sure he knows that you two are good Catholics and that you're not living together in sin.
Molly: But I'm not and we are!
We have weddings for our parishioners, which you are not, and we were willing to make an exception frankly because we're still quite scared of your mother.
Priest
Molly: The senior center said we can get married there. Good news: they have a dance floor. Bad news: lots of people have died on it.
