Favorite Mike & Molly Quotes
Mike: Maybe if you had talked a little less and listened a little more we wouldn't be in this mess!
Molly: Really?
Mike: Listen, I don't want a big fight.
Molly: Well, it's too late for that.
Molly: Did Mike call?
Victoria: No, but my pot dealer did. He said you can have your wedding in his basement grow room.
Molly: Oh good. Well, at least the lighting will be good!
Thought you had me didn't you, you fun sized little b**ch!
Molly [to candy bar]
Carl: Now if you want to get into your bride's head a little bit, just change "boobs" to "holy matrimony".
Mike: Wow, I had no idea it consumed their every though and dictated their every action.
We Biggs don't tone and we don't tan - we burn and we stroke out.
Molly: Dirty board game?
Peggy: Dirty Scrabble. It's actually just regular Scrabble with extra F's, B's, and J's.
The places that offer free limousine services are desperate for customers. I'm guessing they're all nude and half-dude.
Carl
Molly: Tonight'll be good. Just sitting around, sipping cocktails, having some girl talk.
Victoria: Yeah. But just keep in mind it's not too late to go out tonight and do something fun!
Peggy [pointing Molly out to male stripper]:There's the ringleader, and she's been a bad bad girl.
Joyce: I've been worse.
Victoria: I'm hiding drugs, and I don't have pockets.
Molly: You're gonna kill him right? Please tell me you're gonna kill him.
Mike: If I say yes, it's premeditated.
Molly: Smart. I love you.
I look like a portly James Bond. Double - X Seven.
Molly: That reminds me, make sure Victoria wears a bra tomorrow.
Joyce: I'll try, but it's like trying to keep a hat on a dog.
