Eddie: I'm seeing someone, but she's married... with two kids.
Kevin: Sounds like a rough road.
Eddie: You have no idea.

I met Kevin. Nice bar you two have.

Eddie [to Jackie]

You're a moron.

Zoey: Honesty is the best policy.
Jackie: No, it's not.

So, why do you feel as though Hollywood has such disdain for cats?

Zoey [to a film critic]

Jackie: You're not a bad guy.
Fitch: That's what I've been trying to tell you.

Zoey: What's larger: morbidly obese or super obese?

Zoey: You and Eddie are really cute together.
Jackie: I am not afraid to kill you in front of a priest.

Mo-mo: What's up with O'Hara?
Jackie: Who knows.
Mo-mo: Usually she says hello.
Jackie: No, she only says hello when she's bored. Or when she's wearing something new and she wants someone to notice.
Mo-mo: God, you're right. Those Chanel pumps are hot though.
Jackie: I know she has taste. Doesn't mean she has manners.

O'Hara: I think of you like a sister.
Jackie: Think again.

Fun? This is not fun. This is f--king hard.

Melissa [about Jackie]: I don't remember her.
Coop: She's only a nurse.

Nurse Jackie Season 1 Quotes

Mrs. Akalitus: I have no choice but to initiate an internal investigation.
Jackie: I resent what you're insinuating. Why on earth would my nursing student flush a man's ear down the toilet?
Zoey: But I'm the one who found it.
Mrs. Akalitus: And there are firemen who set their own fires just to call them in.
Jackie: You know, you're not wrong. My uncle Gary torched a hobby store. But that was an insurance thing. Anyway, I hope you get the bottom of this.

(voice-over) Watch and learn. Percocet should never be crushed, broken or chewed unless you want it to hit your system like a bolt of lightning. Which is only a problem if you're afraid of lightning which I am not.