Jackie: Roseanne get in here!
Roseanne: What?
Jackie: You can't stand on the front porch staring at your Muslim neighbors. It's just so obvious you're spying on them.

• Permalink: You can't stand on the front porch staring at your Muslim neighbors. It's just so obvious...
• Added: May 08, 2018

When is your hearing going to go bad?

Jackie

• Permalink: When is your hearing going to go bad?
• Added: May 01, 2018

They treat me like a fly in potato salad.

Beverly

• Permalink: They treat me like a fly in potato salad.
• Added: May 01, 2018

Is this where birds stay when they go to Vegas?

Dan

• Permalink: Is this where birds stay when they go to Vegas?
• Added: May 01, 2018

It's not a hobby, dear, it's a symptom.

Beverly

• Permalink: It's not a hobby, dear, it's a symptom.
• Added: May 01, 2018

Beverly: You've been grocery shopping for seven hours. What took you?
Jackie: Long lines.

• Permalink: Long lines.
• Added: May 01, 2018

Mark: Why do birds have houses when they have trees?
Dan: I'll do you one better and this'll bend your mind. Why do we cut down trees to make the wood for bird houses?
Mark: Whoa.
Dan: One day you'll have a brownie in college and it will make it even better.

• Permalink: One day you'll have a brownie in college and it will make it even better.
• Added: May 01, 2018

Dan: How much would you say you eat a week?
Mark: Say whatever you have to, to get me in.

• Permalink: Say whatever you have to, to get me in.
• Added: May 01, 2018

We each get her for a week.

Jackie

• Permalink: We each get her for a week.
• Added: May 01, 2018

Jackie: I will take Darlene and her kids.
Roseanne: No, I like one of those kids.

• Permalink: No, I like one of those kids.
• Added: May 01, 2018

I'm older so I hated her first.

• Permalink: I'm older so I hated her first.
• Added: May 01, 2018

Roseanne: You gotta take her.
Jackie: No, not a chance. Possession is nine-tenths of the law.

• Permalink: No, not a chance. Possession is nine-tenths of the law.
• Added: May 01, 2018