Evan: Hi, there. You looking for somebody? Maybe somebody who knows how to surf without perling?
Katie: You got me. I like to base my relationships on surfing technique.

Call me Ishmael! Call me the Rainmaker! Call me...the proudest brother on Earth.


Rob: So you are our last-minute compromise.
Hank: I've been called worse.
Evan: At HankMed, we aim to compromise, so that's great.
Rob: That's the worst business mantra I've ever heard.

Call me Supermanny.


My brother needed me for once. And, needless to say, I came through -- like Superman. Not like Superman. He's too much of a boy scout. More like Batman 'cause he's dark and mysterious and good with the ladies.


Hank: She [Jill] offered me a job. In her E.R.
Evan: As in, like, a bail-on-HankMed-and-leave-your-CFO-high-and-dry kind of job?
Hank: Well, that's not how she put it, but yeah, it could have that effect.

Evan: I've dropped phones in pools and toilets... the occasional mojito.
Rob: Hot tubs, koi ponds, and a volcano.

Will: You're a good nanny, Steven.
Evan: I'm a manny, and it's Kevin. (realizes mistake) Evan.

Sam: Aunt Claire, we're memorizing our audition song.
Maddie: Yeah, we're gonna win the American Idols.
Evan: Oh no, it's American Idol, kids.
Sam & Maddie: Not for us!

(Hank runs into Jill in the street with gourmet coffee)
Hank: Is the, uh, hospital coffee really that bad?
Jill: Oh, officially speaking? No, it's delicious. But off the record...
Hank: You could remove nail polish with it.

(trying to communicate with a chef who only speaks Italian)
Divya: Tell her it won't take long.
Evan: (in very bad Italian) The clock, it will not last long.

Divya: Here's an idea -- let's have dinner, but absolutely no conversation.
Evan: Yeah, like we're married.

Royal Pains Season 1 Quotes

Yeah, dude. Don't punk the crackberry. She'll light your ass up like a Christmas tree.


Note to self, become a doctor.