Frank: And... how are you today?
Samantha: How am I? I'm virgin, that's how I am!
Frank: Yes madam... and I'm a pirate! Shall I call you a cab?

Andrea: Listen to me, listen to me. You are ready for this. You look fabulous, the pond is deep, the fish are biting!
Dena (suddenly appearing): Well, hello!
Andrea: But then a boat motors through...

Regina: I don't want you to think I'm one of those uptight mothers, I... I... I want to be supportive, so, c'mon, let's get my little girl laid.
Dena: Okay!
Samantha (to Andrea): This is bad, right?
Andrea: Do you think?! I'm out with a dork, her mother and her stalker. Looks like I'm leading the special-needs field trip.

Samantha: So she's hum, she seems nice... She's very pretty.
Todd: Oh, thanks.
Samantha: I didn't say you were pretty! I said she was pretty.

Samantha: Mom, can I talk to you about something kind of personal?
Regina: Oh, I knew this was going to come up sooner or later.
Samantha: You did?
Regina: Yes, and hunny, don't worry... you're not dying, this happens to every woman, once a month.

Samantha Who? Season 1 Episode 4 Quotes

Samantha: So she's hum, she seems nice... She's very pretty.
Todd: Oh, thanks.
Samantha: I didn't say you were pretty! I said she was pretty.

Samantha: Mom, can I talk to you about something kind of personal?
Regina: Oh, I knew this was going to come up sooner or later.
Samantha: You did?
Regina: Yes, and hunny, don't worry... you're not dying, this happens to every woman, once a month.