Scrubs Season 2 Episode 5: "My New Coat" Quotes
Laverne: The patient's complaining of anosmia.
J.D.: Anosmia? You know, I always thought it was very funny that losing your sense of smell was called anosmia. "Anos-mia", you know, like "schnoz-mia." Don't you find that very funny?... He doesn't.
Laverne: I'm calling Dr. Cox.
J.D.: Whoa; nobody needs to go call Dr. Cox.
Mr. Blair: This is only temporary, right?
J.D.: 'Course it's temporary. It could also be slightly more un-temporary.
Plus, when she dated J.D., she would just wear a t-shirt in the morning; so when she reached up high to grab a box of cereal, everybody in the room got two scoops of booty-flakes; and the two scoops - they were packed with flavor. You know what I'm sayin'!
Turk
Mr. Blair: I told you I didn't want these antibiotics. Tell you what: When your first grand-kid is born, you pick him up and you smell his head, why don't you give me a call and tell me how great it is?
J.D.: Mr. Blair, I'm really sorry this happened.
J.D.'s Narration: And sometimes, it hits you in places you didn't even know you were vulnerable.
Mr. Blair: Yeah, well you should be. It's your fault.
Dr. Cox: No more silly medical mistakes, huh? Nice going, there, Newbie.
J.D.'s Narration: Damn.
Dr. Amato: I saw you switched off on our exploratory laparotomy this afternoon.
Turk: Yeah, it's 'cause I-I-I had to do a-
Dr. Amato: It's because I'm short.
Turk: You're not short.
Dr. Amato: Look, I know I'm the surgical assignment booby-prize, okay; but if my only other choice is being stuck in that stupid boys' club, I'd rather have them all make fun of me.
Turk: What could they possibly make fun of you-
Dr. Amato: Stop it. All I'm saying is that it's possible to be a good surgeon without playing their game, okay?
Turk: You're really short.
Dr. Amato: I know.
Elliot: No, Dr. Murray, I don't want any fries to go with this shake! I don't even know what that means!
Noelle: Excuse me, Dr. Reid?
Elliot: What? What!? You wanna ask me how many ceiling tiles I've counted this week? Or maybe you just wanna call me a name: Like "tramp" or "ho" or "slesident" - which, apparently, is half "slut" and half "resident".
Noelle: No...
Elliot: Then what is it, Noelle, what do you want?
Noelle: I just wanted to know where the G-Spot is.
Elliot: The what-spot?
Dr. Cox: And for the hundredth time: You're right, you had absolutely nothing to do with me getting involved in this Mrs. Bumbry case. But, for God's sake, Carla, the much bigger problem facing us right now is just exactly how do we get you to stop annoying me?
Carla: Oh, yeah, I'm the problem. Look: Can't you just, for once, stay out of your own way?
Dr. Cox: Can't you just, for once, not be such a busy-body?
Woman: Excuse me, Doctor?
Janitor: Oh, no, I'm not a doctor; I'm a janitor.
Woman: Oh. I just assumed because of the coat.
Janitor: Right. Well, uh, janitors wear white coats around here, too.
Woman: Oh. You guys do a great job keeping this place clean.
Janitor: We thank you.
J.D.: No, I'm a doctor! Look at the books, woman!
Carla: Mrs. Bumbry's fifty-three.
Dr. Kelso: Mrs. who is what?
Carla: The patient Dr. Cox got in to the G.I. clinical trial. She was disqualified because her chart said she was sixty-three, and the cut-off is fifty-five. But, the genius who admitted her calculated her age wrong; she's actually a perfect candidate.
Dr. Kelso: And Dr. Cox knew this?
Carla: He knew the whole time.
Dr. Kelso: Fan-damn-tastic. Sweetheart, you'd better do the old heel-toe out of here, because you know as well as I do I'm going to take this out on somebody.
Carla: Bye-bye!
Ted: May I, uh, join you?
Dr. Kelso: By all means!
J.D.'s Narration: Armed with the knowledge that I was right and he was wrong, I thought I'd enjoy this walk more. Still, I couldn't help but empathize, because I've been there, and I saw the signs: The shameful, averted gaze... The nervous shifting... And, of course, the wild, uncontrollable urination.
Dr. Cox: Gosh, I'm thrilled you approve, but, for the last time: I'm up here. I'm up here. I'm up here!
J.D.: You were wrong and I was right.
Dr. Cox: I beg your pardon?
J.D.: Anosmia isn't a side-effect of I.V. Imipenem. Plus, Mr. Blair had multiple nasal polypectomies, and septoplasty; and his loss of smell is most likely caused by repeated manipulation of the sinuses along with concurrent infection. So, I didn't make a mistake; and you were wrong when you said, "Nice goin', Newbie."
Dr. Cox: Here you've put me in a tough situation: I can't honestly decide whether to say, "Duh," uh, "Doy," or a very sarcastic, "Oh, really?" My God, Fiona, I know it wasn't your fault; hell, the patient probably knows! But he seemed a little distraught, like maybe being able to blame somebody for a second or two just might make him feel a little better? And, I know, maybe it's me, but doesn't that seem like something that goes right along with wearing that fancy white coat? It... does, doesn't it.
J.D.: Kinda.
Dr. Cox: Gosh, I'm so proud of ya. Put her there.
He hold out his hand
Dr. Cox: Woof.
J.D.'s Narration: "Woof?"
Dr. Kelso: So, uh, I hear there was an age mix-up that I was not aware of. And, umm... anyway, uhh...
Carla: You're okay.
Dr. Kelso: I'm... "sorry".
J.D.'s Narration: I guess it comes down to how we want to be seen by other people.
Dr. Cox: Well, I'm proud of you, Robert. Put her there.
He holds out his hand then jerks it away.
Dr. Cox: Woof. Oh, and I think it's important you understand that I had no idea how old that patient was, and, for the record, she could've been a hundred and seventy - I still woulda stuck her in that trial so fast, it'd make your teeth fall out all over again.
Laverne: Come on, baby. Let's see if we can find you a ride.
J.D.: Laverne! Careful
