Why is there an intern in my bathroom? It's not my birthday...

Jordan

Jordan:I'm taking Jack to my mother's for a few months. Perry: Yes,but who'll be taking care of Jack while you and your mother go out marauding for flesh?

"If there is something you know you can do, whether it's intubating a patient, or copping a squat on the roof, and your mind keeps throwing up road blocks, just know you can drive right through them..."

Dr. Casey

Denise [to Lucy after she yells at a cadaver]: Hey stop being weird, I'm trying to be my sandwich around some corpses.
Lucy: Why are you eating your lunch in here?
Denise: Why are you yelling at a dead guy? See, we all have a lot of questions.

Drew: Everything I own is in this box.
Lucy: A hat, some ramen, and a car battery? Don't you have personal things?
Drew: I had that battery a long time.

Turk: Surgery is long, tedious and boring.
Cole: Oh I get it, like episodes of Entourage that revolve around Turtle.

Cole: I already know what i'm going to call my surgical practice. Cole Cutz.
Turk: With a z?
Cole: That's right! Man, you gotta knock before you enter Cole's brain.

I'm actually going to return those pants. They were skinny jeans and I couldn't pull them off. Literally. Took me like an hour to get them off.

Drew

You don't want to be a surgeon, Cole, it's boring and it sucks. It's the complete opposite of a water slide.

Turk

Do you believe in fate? Like the stuff they talk about in the boring parts of Lost.

Cole

I always thought a surgeon would hook me with some sweet calf implants or a robot arm, but I never thought one would save my life.

Cole

Dr. Cox: The ceremony of thanks is quickly approaching.
Turk: That's where you publicly thank the fmilies of the cadavers you've been dissecting this semester.
Dr. Cox: It's actually a pretty sweet deal for them. After their loved ones are stripped for parts like a 1998 Mitsubishi Mirage, we treat them to some free cold cuts and a chance to hear you regurgitate some trite quotes about their family members sacrifice that you found on the Internet.

Scrubs Quotes

Dr. Cox: Pumpkin, that's modern medicine. Advances that keep people alive that should have died along time ago, back when they lost what made them people. Now your job is to stay sane enough so that when someone does come in that you actually can help, you're not so brain dead that you can't function-for the love of God, what?
J.D.: Its just... do you think we should be talking about this in front of her?
Dr. Cox: Her? She's dead. Write this down newbie, if you push around a stiff, nobody will ask you to do anything.
J.D.: You've been like a father to me.
Dr. Cox: Fair enough, you want some real advice? If they find out they nurses are doing your proceedures for you, your ass will be kicked out of here so fast it will make your head spin

Elliot: Now that you made out with my best friend, that makes us not even again. So go get me some cotton balls and a toe separator - mama needs a pedicure! Heh.
J.D.: Elliot, once you're even, you can't just go back to being not even. That ain't new, girl!
Elliot: Admit we're not even or I'll make you pay.
J.D.: Heh, yeah, now that we're friends and there's no chance of us ever having sex again, there's really not a whole lot I "need" from you, okay?