Why is there an intern in my bathroom? It's not my birthday...

Jordan

Jordan:I'm taking Jack to my mother's for a few months. Perry: Yes,but who'll be taking care of Jack while you and your mother go out marauding for flesh?

"If there is something you know you can do, whether it's intubating a patient, or copping a squat on the roof, and your mind keeps throwing up road blocks, just know you can drive right through them..."

Dr. Casey

Denise [to Lucy after she yells at a cadaver]: Hey stop being weird, I'm trying to be my sandwich around some corpses.
Lucy: Why are you eating your lunch in here?
Denise: Why are you yelling at a dead guy? See, we all have a lot of questions.

Drew: Everything I own is in this box.
Lucy: A hat, some ramen, and a car battery? Don't you have personal things?
Drew: I had that battery a long time.

Turk: Surgery is long, tedious and boring.
Cole: Oh I get it, like episodes of Entourage that revolve around Turtle.

Cole: I already know what i'm going to call my surgical practice. Cole Cutz.
Turk: With a z?
Cole: That's right! Man, you gotta knock before you enter Cole's brain.

I'm actually going to return those pants. They were skinny jeans and I couldn't pull them off. Literally. Took me like an hour to get them off.

Drew

You don't want to be a surgeon, Cole, it's boring and it sucks. It's the complete opposite of a water slide.

Turk

Do you believe in fate? Like the stuff they talk about in the boring parts of Lost.

Cole

I always thought a surgeon would hook me with some sweet calf implants or a robot arm, but I never thought one would save my life.

Cole

Dr. Cox: The ceremony of thanks is quickly approaching.
Turk: That's where you publicly thank the fmilies of the cadavers you've been dissecting this semester.
Dr. Cox: It's actually a pretty sweet deal for them. After their loved ones are stripped for parts like a 1998 Mitsubishi Mirage, we treat them to some free cold cuts and a chance to hear you regurgitate some trite quotes about their family members sacrifice that you found on the Internet.

Scrubs Quotes

Patient: I'm here for my ear infection.
Dr. Kim: Go in and take your pants off.

Turk: All right, this is it. You just brace yourself and let me handle this all nice and smooth like. All right? Hey, Mom! Guess what?
Carla: Hi, Mrs. Turk. I'm gonna cut right to the chase. I'm Carla, and I apologize if your son hasn't told you about me yet. Honestly, I don't know how you put up with him as long as you did. Still, you should know he loves me very much, I feel the same way, and we're really, really good together.
Mrs. Turk: Are you two sharing a bed?
Turk: Noooo!
Carla: Yes, ma'am, we are, but if you're a good judge of character, I think you can tell, I'm not messing around.
Mrs. Turk: Carla. That's a nice name.
Carla: Thank you.
Turk: Listen, it is, Mother-
Mrs. Turk: Oh, please! Not telling me about her. Dear, do me a favor. Don't give him any for a month or so.
Carla: Done!
Turk: No, it can't go down like that! It just can't go down like that!