Seinfeld Season 1 Quotes
George: She calls me up at my office, she says, 'We have to talk.'
Jerry: Uch, the four worst words in the English language.
George: That, or 'Whose bra is this?'
(to Joel) It's not you, it's me!Jerry
Elaine: Come on. Let's go do something. I don't want to just sit around here. Wanna get something to eat?
Elaine: I don't care. I'm not hungry.
Jerry: We could go to one of those cappuccino places. They let you just sit there.
Elaine: What are we gonna do there, talk?
Jerry: We can talk.
Elaine: I'll go if I don't have to talk.
Jerry: Then we'll just sit there.
Most men like working on things. Tools, objects, fixing things. This is what men enjoy doing. Have you ever noticed a guy's out in his driveway working on something with tools, how all the other men in the neighborhood are magnetically drawn to this activity. They just come wandering out of the house like zombies. Men, it's true, men hear a drill, it's like a dog whistle. Just (his head perks up) you know, they go running up to that living room curtain, "Honey, I think Jim's working on something over there." So they run over to the guy. Now they don't actually help the guy. No, they just want to hang around the area where work is being done. That's what men want to do. We want to watch the guy, we want to talk to him, we want to ask him dumb questions. You know, "What are you using, a Phillips-head?" You know, we feel involved. That's why when they have construction sites; they have to have those wood panel fences around it, that's just to keep the men out. They cut those little holes for us so we can see what the hell is going on. But if they don't cut those holes, we are climbing those fences. Right over there. "What are you using the steel girders down there? Yeah, that'll hold."Jerry
Listen, Joel. I don't think we should see each other anymore.Jerry
I was ten... I would've been friends with Stalin if he had a Ping-Pong table.Jerry
George: You can't have people shoving their arms into a 600 degree oven.
Kramer: It's all supervised!
I do not like the bank. I've heard the expression "Laughing all the way to the bank." I have never seen anyone actually doing it. And those bank lines. I hate it when there's nobody on the line at all, you know that part, you go to the bank, it's empty and you still have to go through the little maze. "Can you get a little piece of cheese for me? I'm almost at the front. I'd like a reward for this please."Jerry
Elaine: No, I'm staying here for the weekend. I'm getting a break from my roommate.
George: Oh, the actress-waitress.
Elaine: No, the waitress-actress.
The hot water takes a little while to come on. So, the best thing to do is to turn it on, do all your shopping, you come back and take a shower.Jerry
Jerry: And I cannot overstate this: no soft cheeses of any kind. Is that clear?
Kramer: I'm human...
Jerry: In your way.