Phil: Oh come on! Don't play dumb with me, ya dong. She was my friggin' girlfriend!
Mike: Whoa! Hold on a second, are you talking about Christine? I come down from space after everyone in the whole world has died, and you're talking about CHRISTINE?!

• Permalink: Whoa! Hold on a second, are you talking about Christine? I come down from space after...
• Added: April 10, 2016

Phil: Just to be clear... dibs.
Carol: Oh my gosh. I've been dibbed. I've never been dibbed!

• Permalink: Oh my gosh. I've been dibbed. I've never been dibbed!
• Added: April 10, 2016

All alone, oh my lord, then you saw my billboard, you came to Tucson 'cause of me, I was Phil now I'm Tandy, met Carol at a camp, Melissa next, oh what a gem, Todd, Gail, Erica, the new Phil, rest in peace.

Phil [singing]

• Permalink: All alone, oh my lord, then you saw my billboard, you came to Tucson 'cause of me, I was Phil...
• Added: April 10, 2016

Look, we get it. Alright, you're cooler than me. And smarter. And funnier. And more fun. You had a cooler job than me and you got all the ladies.

Phil

• Permalink: Look, we get it. Alright, you're cooler than me. And smarter. And funnier. And more fun. You...
• Added: April 10, 2016

Phil [about his half-shaved appearance]: Know anything about, uh, this?
Mike: ..Burn?

• Permalink: ..Burn?
• Added: April 10, 2016