Mike: Hey Todd. Do you know how to build a fire?
Todd: Yeah, no problem! Do we have any oven mitts?
Melissa: I'll do it.

Well, the last time I was on a train, I was smuggling a duffle bag full of endangered turtles.


I feel like Mike is still a little bit lonely so I think it might be nice if we, you know, keep the PDA to a minimum. I mean, for instance, Carol and I have decided that every time we want to kiss, we're just gonna shake hands instead. It's actually been pretty erotic. After all, you know the palm is the vagina of the hand.


Carol: Well, how was your trip? Did you find any people?
Tandy: Hate to say it, Carebear, but we're all still fighting a raging case of HPV. Human people vanished.

Tandy: What do you mean we're moving?
Todd: The house is filled with dead bodies sealed up in the walls. It's like a gingerbread house made of corpses, bud.
Erica: And guns! All over the place. You'd swear we were still in America.

No one's waiting for me.


Okay. Let's just find a boy and a girl, and then we got ourselves a goat starter kit and we can go. Alright?


Ever since I was a kid, I've had a fear of being scared.


Erica: What's that smell?
Todd: What smell?
Erica: The overwhelming one currently in the room.
Todd: Oh that...that smell. You know, look Erica I'm not going to lie to you. I farted. This is one of those weird cases where you smelt it but I'm the one who dealt it. You know, it's a real axiom buster.

I'm jealous of you, Phil! I'm jealous! I want what you have. You've got a wife, you know? And kids. You have a family. You have a real family. It's all I've ever wanted.


I just feel like I'm being lied to, you know? And it's really hurting my heart because we're all in this together, guys!


Gail: Think that we should go to at least one store so we can honestly say we tried to look for supplies?
Melissa: No. Pull!

The Last Man on Earth Season 4 Quotes

I know a lot of stuff went down today. It’s not often that you see a double homicide. That’s why I think it’s important that we have a talk. Sometimes when a bullet and a man’s brain feel very strongly about each other, they decide to take it to the next level, okay? And that’s called penetration.


Rear Admiral, what can I say? You died doing what you loved, being alive.