Michael: Five, four, three. "There is no way, I will resign. It wouldn't be fair. Not to the good workers I work with, not to my clients, and especially not to me. Let's not forget who this whole resigning business is about, anyway. If I could leave you with one thought, remember... it wasn't me. They're trying to make me an escape goat. If I am fired, I swear to God, that every single piece of copier paper in this town is going to have the F-word on it. The F-word. You have one day."
Pam: One day for what?
Michael: That's... they always give an ultimatum.
Pam: OK.
Michael: Good, cut?
Pam: Cut. That was your best apology video ever.
Michael: Thought so too.

I feel terrible about Debbie Brown. She got fired because of Dwight. So I thought I'd pass around a goodbye card, maybe everyone could put in a couple of bucks to help her through these difficult times. Why do bad things always happen to the good people? It's tragic. Just tragic.


[to Dwight] Got a farewell card for Debbie Brown. I thought maybe you'd like to sign it. Maybe throw a couple of bucks in there for her. She's got some children.


Michael: We gotta do something. This is spinning out of control, Pam. This is just, not...
Pam: It's just the Scranton Times...
Michael: No, then Newsweek picks it up. And then CNN does a story about it. Then... YouTube gets a hold of it...
Pam: You know what? I really think the whole thing is just gonna blow over in like a week or two.
Michael: You're right. It will blow over. But it's not... going to take... a week or two. [pulls out a video camcorder from his desk] Do you know what this is for?
Pam: Yes.

Michael: What... can I do, for you?
Barbara: I, for starters, I think that you should resign.
Michael: Well... [exhales] OK, well... Um, wasn't really my fault. The guys at the paper mill-
Barbara: You're the head-
Michael: The guys at the paper mill- No no no!
Barbara: You're the head of the company!
Michael: I'm the head of the company?!
Barbara: Yes, and that makes it your responsibility---
Michael: No, I'm a regional manager---
Barbara: And so you should lose your job!
Michael: No- my- OK, this is insane. You can get out of here. Get out!

I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doin' a goat, couple of pigs watching. Whoever drew this got it exactly right.


School Official: The issue with the watermark is very serious.
Jim: Absolutely.
School Official: We teach our students that character counts.
Jim: And you should.
School Official: But-
Andy: Pfft. You don't teach it well enough. One of your students is a bitch.
Jim: Andy... is having a real rough day today.
Andy: I want to take out an ad, in your yearbook. A full page, two words-
Jim: "Good luck."
Andy: That's not what I had in mind.

Mrs. Allen is our most important client... because every client is our most important client. Even though she's a pretty unimportant client, really.


Creed: When I went over Wednesday, for the spot-check, I got a call from Debbie Brown, saying she has an emergency dentist appointment.
Dwight: Emergency dentist appointment.
Creed: Now I'm told she told her manager she had the flu. I'm a trusting guy, but uh, I just wish Debbie Brown had been there. We would have caught this.

Dwight: First rule in road-side beet sales: Put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go, "Wow, I need this beet right now." Those are the money beets.

Andy: Whoa! What the--- Why is my girlfriend here?
Jim: Oh, is she that teacher in the white?
Andy: No, she's a part-time frozen yogurt chef.
Jim: Which one... is she?
Andy: The one in the green hoodie.
Jim: Wow.
Andy: I wonder if she's, like, a... a guidance counselor, or something?
Jim: No, I don't think so.
Andy: She's like, probably a tutor.
Jim: Nope.

Andy: So, Tuna. When we get in there, let's do a really good job, okay?
Jim: Did that really need to be said?
Andy: Well not everything a guy says needs to be said. Sometimes it's just about the music of the conversation.

The Office Season 3 Episode 20 Quotes

Andy: Beer me!
Jim: What's that?
Andy: Hand me that water. I always say, "Beer me." Gets a laugh like a quarter of the time.
Jim: Lord, beer me strength.

I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doin' a goat, couple of pigs watching. Whoever drew this got it exactly right.