The Office Season 5 Quotes
Michael: [on phone] Hello David. I just got back from my procedure, so-
David: Michael, what the hell is going on here?
Michael: How are you doing?
David: Fine. What is going on?
Michael: [reading from computer] My colonoscopy was an examination of my large colon and the distal part of my small bowel with a camera.
David: Why did you OK this golden ticket idea? We're going to lose a fortune, Michael. How could you let this happen?
Michael: Well, there is an explanation that involves me not letting it happen and I just don't... I don't know.
David: How could you not know Michael?
Michael: I think we might have hired an outside marketing consultant.
Michael: I am just a net that traps all of your crappy subconscious ideas and adds a little bit of my own childhood memories and whimsy, so -
Jim: So, well I lost a ton of money today and I have a mortgage, so I'm a little pissed too.
Michael: Thank you, Jim is with me.
Jim: Absolutely not, I'm mad at you.
Michael: Well you know what Jim? It is not my fault that you bought a house to impress Pam. That is why carnations exist.
Creed: That's not why.
Michael: Nobody panic. The good news is... they can't fire all of us, right?
Oscar: They can.
Michael: No, they can't.
Oscar: Yes, they can.
Michael: Oscar, you don't know what the hell you are talking about.
Oscar: Michael, what do you think shutting down a branch is?
Michael: Alright, then we're screwed.
When Michael's skirting a phone call, he gave me a list of places to say he is. 'Stopping a fight in the parking lot.' 'An Obama fashion show.' Whatever... that is. Or 'trapped in an oil painting.' I'm gonna save that one.
Pam
Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Oh hi, David. [Michael shakes his head] No, I'm sorry he's not back from the Civil Rights rally. I'll have him call you the minute he gets back from the Lincoln Memorial.
Pam
My golden ticket idea? OK. Why would anyone think that this is my golden ticket idea? There is a one in 13 chance that this could be anybody's golden ticket idea. [sighs] That... [sighs again]
Michael
Michael: Sir. I placed a bunch of golden tickets into five separate boxes and some how they all ended up with Blue Cross. How does this happen?
Darryl: Were the boxes near each other?
Michael: Irrelevant.
Darryl: I put three pallets on the truck to Blue Cross once a week. They use a lot of paper.
Michael: OK, I'm going to ask you something and I want you to be honest. What is a pallet?
Michael: Hey. Hey. Hey. You idiot.
Darryl: Start over.
Jim: How do you not spread out the tickets into different shipments?
Michael: I thought I did. So...
Jim: OK...
Michael: Well no harm no foul.
Jim: ...well I'm going to call corporate to make sure that they know I didn't lose half my sales.
Michael: You didn't, but... it'll be fine. It'll be good.
Michael: Hey, Oscar. Woo hoo hoo. Um, how much of a hit is ten percent of our Blue Cross account?
Oscar: Ten percent?
Michael: Yeah?
Oscar: They're our largest client.
Michael: Yeah.
Oscar: It's gonna hurt.
Jim: [on phone] Hold on one sec. Hold on one sec, Tom, what's that? You found five golden tickets? And does it say limit one per customer? Nope, it doesn't.
Andy: You can't let a girl feel good about herself. It will backfire on you. Every compliment has to be backhanded. 'Oh I like your dress, but I'd like it more if you had prettier hair.'
Pam: That's psychotic. Do guys actually do that?
Jim: Well guys with girlfriends don't.
Andy: That's low, Tuna.
Andy, Pam, and Jim are all telling me how to deal with this girl that I like, Lynn. I, I don't like getting advice from more than one person at a time. I'm a textbook over-thinker.
Kevin
