What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.


Michael Scott
The Office Season 5 Episode 1: "Weight Loss"
The Office
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The Office Season 5 Episode 1 Quotes

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life. I haven't had a very hard life.


Kelly: I swallowed a tapeworm last night. It's going to grow up to three feet inside of me and then it eats all my food so that I don't get fat. And then after three months I take some medicine and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. It's from Mexico.
[cut to interview]
Creed: That wasn't a tapeworm.