The Office Season 5 Quotes
Phyllis: Hey, why don't you guys come have lunch with Bob and me? We'll take all afternoon. [whispering] Michael is terrified of Bob.
Pam: What do you think?
Jim: I have a lot of work to do this afternoon. Those mines aren't gonna sweep themselves.
Pam: We're in.
Blood Drive Worker: Just relax.
Michael: Yup, I'm good, whew. Wow, I feel like a human juice box. Hawaiian blood punch.
Blood Girl: Oh, that's gross.
Michael: Type O-Ocean Spray.
Blood Girl: God, stop. Stop it.
Michael: Yeah, can I point something out to you?
Blood Girl: Sure.
Michael: You're actually talking a lot.
Blood Girl: Sorry, it's the other thing I do when I get really nervous.
Michael: Okay, here we go.
Blood Drive Worker: Alright, here we go.
Michael: Oh, God.
Michael: I am about to give blood. The gift of everlasting life, the transfer of my bodily fluids, oh wow, that's a big needle, that -
Blood Drive Worker: You're gonna need to lie down right over here.
Michael: Okay. Hello.
Blood Girl: Hi, I cant talk right now. I'm sorry.
Michael: Oh, OK.
Blood Girl: Whew, I'm really nervous.
Michael: Yeah, me too.
Blood Girl: Yeah, when I get nervous I sort of clam up.
Michael: Oh, well, that's fine.
Blood Girl: Whew, it's better for me just to be quiet, yeah.
I train my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I can retract my penis up into itself.
Dwight
Jim: Uh, I actually thought we were keeping it pretty low-key.
Michael: Well, if you guys insist on having your own private little love fest-
Jim: We do.
Michael: - that none of us can be a part of-
Pam: You can't be a part of our relationship, Michael.
Michael: - then, we, are gonna have our own private Valentine's Day party.
Jim: That sounds fun.
Michael: So suck it. Hey everybody, I just invited Jim to suck it, and I am cordially inviting all of you to a special convention, a lonely heart's convention, this afternoon. Singles only.
Dwight: Yeah, deal with it Pam!
Michael: So we may not have someone in our lives that we love, but we do have each other.
Michael: Pam, really, they're back?
Pam: I can't see them when they're on the floor
Jim: They're for her to look at, Michael.
Michael: Can I have a word with you, Jim?
Jim: Yes, let's have a word.
Michael: Yes, um, Jim. Today is a very difficult day for a lot of people in this office.
Jim: Oh, I'm sorry.
Michael: Yeah. And the sexy looks between you and Pam, the general sexiness, the flowers, it's creating a bit of a hostile work environment.
Jim: I understand that.
Dwight: So sexy it becomes hostile.
Michael: Mm-hmm.
Just about everyone in this office is single right now. Including me. And everyone is experiencing an incredible amount of emotional pain. Especially me, because of my great capacity for emotion, and it is my first Valentine's Day since Holly, so I think that I am well qualified to understand that these people need to be protected from having love shoved into their faces.
Michael
Oh, wow look at those. How nice for you. Up there, front and center, beautiful. I think they would look better right here. [takes the flowers from Pam's desk and puts them on the ground off to the side] They're very pretty and I wouldn't want them to fall. [Kevin groans]
Michael
So, I received my first Valentine from a secret admirer. [Kelly opens the envelope] Roses are red, violets are blue, it's time for your dental cleaning, and maybe a check-up too.
Kelly
Pam: This is our first and only Valentine's Day as fiances.
Jim: You're only engaged once. Well present company excluded, but...
Pam: Really, Jim? On Cupid's birthday?
Jim: Yeah...
Michael: Oh, look at that. Cupids and hearts. Really shoving our faces in it this year. You doin OK, bud?
Kevin: I miss Stacy.
Michael: Yeah, I hear ya. It's been four months since I was with Holly, and she was way hotter then Stacy. So if you think you're hurting...
Kevin: I can't even imagine.
