The Office Season 5 Quotes
Angela: [with cats in background, on Nanny-Cam] Where is that bad cat? Oh, you know who you are. Excuse me, Petals, I'm looking for Mr. Ash. He's a bad cat. Bad, bad cat. Do you hear me? Bad. Yeah, you were bad. No, you look at me when I talk to you. Do you hear me, Mr. Ash? You look at me. 'Cause I'm talking to you right now.
Kevin: This is getting weird.
Oscar: Is she cleaning the cat with her tongue?
Kevin: Ohhh...
[pointing to staff members] Blazer. Freckles. Penguin. K.D. Lang. Holly's boyfriend. These mnemonic devices help to make a connection, and then, also to help you memorize names. I have a chainsaw! [holds up chainsaw, makes a wimpy chain saw noise] Cutting down the competition.
Pam
That was weird, huh? It's all part of the presentation. It was confusing, right? Because confusing situations happen to us all the time in our jobs. I'm just trying to bridge the gap between what just happened and the fact that I'm going to be doing the rest of the presentation. [reading from cards, in Forrest Gump voice] Sales is like a box a chocolates, you never know which vendor you're gonna get. Forrest Gump.
Pam
Michael: Does she ever mention Michael Scott?
A.J.: No, what are you talking about?
Michael: [sighs] Does it feel good?
A.J.: Does what feel good?
Michael: So, okay, you're a salesman. What's, uh, what's your name?
A.J.: A.J.
Michael: A.J. What kind of name is A.J.? What do you race cars?
A.J.: I'm a salesman. That's why I raised my hand.
Michael: Ooh. Ouch. Okay, good. You're funny, very good and funny. Tell me, A.J., are you dating? Is there somebody you date?
A.J.: Yeah. Why, are you interested?
Woman: I have a question about discounts from distributors.
Michael: Yep, we will get to you. Okay, so you're dating somebody? Um... is it serious?
A.J.: It's pretty serious, yes.
Michael: Does she ever talk about me?
Pam: Oh, God.
A.J.: Excuse me?
Man: What does this have to do with sales?
Michael: It's all connected. Shut up.
Sales. Sales is what bwings us together, today. How do we deal with clients who say, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn... about paper" and get them to "Show us the money!" Well, we are going to find out today. Show of hands. How many of you are salesmen? Let's see the salesmen. Oh, okay. Well I know what the rest of you are thinking. Wow, yuck. Salesmen are the worst! They are awful. They are so arrogant. They think the whole place revolves around them. Handsome, good listeners, funny, Mr. Wonderful.
Michael
Goooood morning, Viet-Nashua!
Michael
Jim: Okay, so all we need is a theme... and cups, and ice, and punch, and a cake.
Dwight: Busy!
Jim: Hey, what's that show that she's always talking about?
Dwight: Oh, my God. Is this how you are with Pam? 'Cause she must want to shoot herself in the face.
Jim: You know what? I could use a little help.
Dwight: You know what? I'm a little busy.
Jim: We have a lot to do, and you are... putting up a very effeminate sign. Is that what you've been doing, is making a sign?
Dwight: It's not effeminate. It's festive.
Jim: You've been making that sign, for something that we could just announce to the whole office? Hey everybody, the party's now at 3!
Stanley: I know, I just read it on the sign.
Angela: No, now listen. You can't let what you see here sully your image of them. They are good, decent cats. I gotta go. I'll be back in an hour. Oh, stop that! Oh!
Kevin: Oh, the other one's watching.
Kevin: Is that what I think it is?
Oscar: Good God!
Kevin: [gasps]
Oscar: [laughs]
Angela: [gasps]
Kevin: That one ugly cat is humping Princess Lady!
Angela: No!
Meredith: Awesome!
Angela: Stop it, Mr. Ash! Bad cat! That is very bad! You stop it right now! I swear, he is fixed.
Meredith: Yeah, I know fixed; that ain't fixed.
Kevin: No way.
Michael: She has a boyfriend.
Pam: I'm so sorry, Michael.
Michael: How could she do this to me, Pam?
Pam: She's not doing it to hurt you.
Michael: I can't do the presentation, I can't- ... just... oh... thinking about seeing him... and... thinking about... him getting to hold her and getting to kiss her, it just- oh, God!
Pam: Listen, when Jim was dating Karen, I didn't want to come to work. It was awful. I hated it. I wanted to quit, but-
Michael: I know, just... uh, please, I'm going through something, okay?
Pam: You know, when Holly gets back, everyone will tell her what a great job you did. And then she'll realize what she's missing.
Michael: And then she'll move back to Scranton. And her boyfriend will die.
Pam: Yeah, maybe.
Michael: Hi.
Receptionist: Hi, can I help you?
Michael: Yes, you can. I am, uh, Michael Scott, Regional Manager of the Scranton branch.
Receptionist: Yes, we were expecting you. Have a seat.
Michael: Thank you. ... Um... is, uh, Holly Flax anywhere here?
Receptionist: Actually, she's on an HR retreat for the next three days.
Michael: Oh- She's not here?
Receptionist: But, if you need to get in touch with her immediately, you could talk to A.J. He's a salesman here.
Michael: A.J.
Receptionist: Yeah, he's her boyfriend. He's just over there.
