The Office Season 5 Quotes
Dwight: Get out and face me like a man!
Andy: I am a man! I'm a bigger man than you'll ever be! I would never sleep with another man's fiance!
Dwight: You're not a man! You don't know how to take care of her! All you do is dress fancy and sing. [imitating Andy] "La la la la la la la la la la!" What does that mean? You can't even protect her!
Andy: Protect her from what? Bears, you idiot? When's the last time you saw a damn bear in Scranton?
Dwight: Last year, idiot!
Kelly: There's Andy, he's in his car. You guys, what is he doing?
Phyllis: Why isn't Dwight turning around?
Oscar: The Prius is silent if he keeps it under five miles per hour. He deserves the win.
Creed: Yeah.
Come on, coward! Where are you? Where... [spots a note attached to the bushes; goes to read it] "From the desk of Andrew Bernard." A note. Pathetic. "Dear Dwight, by now you have received my note. How are you? I am well. You are no doubt wondering why I have left this note. It has come to my attention that in any physical match with you, I would surely be bested." True. "The soft underbelly of my refined upbringing is my soft underbelly..."
Dwight
Oscar: It's 4:10, I don't think he's gonna show.
Kevin: Oh come on, man! Believe in something.
Dwight: Come on! Where are you? Let's do this thing! Come on! Come on out!
Angela: [watching from the conference room] I can't believe they're gonna fight over me.
Kelly: I guess people have fewer choices as they get older.
Michael: So I was in the office, and I look over to our Accounting division, and there is Kevin Malone. Kevin is wearing a jacket that I've never seen before. And I call over to Kevin, "Kevin, is that a tweed jacket?" And he looks at me and he says, "Michael, yes it is a tweed jacket." And I look back at him and I say, "I feel the need!... The need for tweed."
David: It's hard to try and evaluate yourself, Michael, but I appreciate you trying.
So, I either get more involved, or I take a sick day... leaving Dwight in charge. Oh God.
Jim
I've had two men fight over me before. Usually it's over which one gets to hold the camcorder.
Meredith
Andy: I will fight you.
Jim: Nope.
Dwight: Okay, fine! Good! A duel! The winner gets Angela.
Andy: Fine!
Dwight: Fine!
Oscar: This is nuts.
Dwight: What is your weapon?
Jim: Okay, you know what? That's enough. Because...
Dwight: Hey, this is none of your business.
Jim: Hey. It is my business when it happens at work.
Andy: Guess what? Not happening at work.
Dwight: Yes!
Andy: We're gonna do it outside.
Dwight: Outside of work.
Andy: None of your business.
Dwight: None of your business then. [they high five] Good. So what weapon?
Andy: My bare hands.
Dwight: That is stupid. I will use a sword and I will cut off your bare hands.
Andy: Then I'll get something too.
Andy: I'm telling you to back down.
Dwight: And I'm telling you that I will never back down.
Andy: Then I'll make you.
Dwight: Oh really? How are you gonna do that?
Andy: Through the use of force.
Dwight: That is very general, and does not scare me in the slightest.
Andy: Dwight.
Dwight: Andy.
Andy: It's over.
Dwight: Oh good. She broke up with you.
Andy: No. It's over between you two.
Dwight: Uh, no way. I am not giving up.
Andy: You have to.
Dwight: No I don't.
Andy: She doesn't love you. She's marrying me.
Dwight: Well I don't know about that, because she certainly seems to enjoy making lovemaking with me.
Andy: Angela Bernard.
Dwight: Will never be her name.
Andy: It will be her name. And you will have to call her that!
Dwight: I don't think so.
Andy: Where's Dwight?
Jim: You okay, man?
Andy: No. Not at all, actually. But thanks for asking. Appreciate it. You know what? I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank all of you for lying. To my face. And not telling me what's been going on this entire time.
Creed: You are welcome.
