The Orville
Thursdays 9:00 PM on FOXThe Orville Season 1 Episode 2: "Command Performance" Quotes
Calivan 1: The Bachelor, Duck Dynasty, Keeping Up with the Kardashians...
Calivan 2: There must be ten thousand files here. What is this... reality television?
Calivan Zoo Administrator: The best exhibit we've ever had.
Mercer: I'M GOING TO THE BATHROOM TO READ!
Grayson: What the hell was that?
Mercer: Elvis Presley's last words. It was all I could think of.
Isaac: They were in the midst of treatment for a very rare disease they are carrying, one that could infect your other species.
Calivon: You're kidding
Isaac: I am Kaylon. We do not kid.
Calivon: If you're going to try to sell me that Xelayan female, I've already got one.
Isaac: She is not for sale. She is... my pet.
Kitan: Woof
Grayson: You should try eating in the morning instead of drinking. It's neat.
Mercer: I'm having A beer.
Grayson: Yeah. At nine AM.
Kitan: Oh, Claire, I have bad news.
Finn: What's wrong?
Kitan: You're the ranking officer which means you have command. Enjoy.
Finn: Son of a bitch
Kitan: Kaylon is comparable in that area to the Calivon themselves which means they should be willing to talk to us as long as he's with us.
LaMarr: White dude can go to Compton as long as the black guy says it's cool.
Kitan: I have no idea what that means but yes.
Kitan: Once we reach the planet, Isaac becomes key. As he loves to remind everyone, his homeworld of Kaylon is technologically superior to the rest of us.
Isaac: Intellectually, as well, sir.
Can I have everyone's attention please? I have been given a direct order by the Fleet Admiralty to abandon the search for Captain Mercer and Commander Grayson. But, as far as I'm concerned, they can bite me because we're going anyway.
Kitan
Grayson: There was a time when humans imprisoned animals for entertainment. Wasn't intended to be cruel, we just felt as the higher species, we had the right.
Mercer: Yeah, well that was hundreds of years ago so you tell me who's more advanced... Hey! We are not your Shamu!
Alien: See, their buoys can scan your computer and then instantly generate a customized holographic lure. Soon as you bite, you're transported here.
Grayson: Like leaving an animal trap in the wild.
Mercer: They even knew to make my dad talk about his colon. That's an advanced technology.
Mercer: Do you remember that time Jeff and Maureen invited us to the opera?... and you knew I hated opera so you made me smoke that joint before we left?
Grayson: So sorry. That was supposed to be mine. I gave you the wrong one.
Mercer: Your weapons-grade weed. Yes, I remember it very well. And it kicked in when we got to the theatre and I became convinced that ...
Grayson: ... that you were going to be paralyzed...
Mercer: ... that I would be paralyzed if I stayed seated for longer than two minutes
