Kitan: You do realize that there are planets where a military career is a very honorable thing? The humans view it with great respect.
Ildis: Well, yes. The humans. The hillbillies of the galaxy.

It's fitting that his last name was Payne because he probably died in a lot of it.

Newton

What? You just wanna slime all over me and then kick me to the curb?

Dr. Finn

Darulio: You're the captain and there's a war starting out there.
Mercer: The only thing I'm captain of right now is your taut physique. Now, get over here.

A gelatinous life-form as a Retepsian pheromonal carrier! Could you believe it?

Darulio

Darulio: Once a year, members of my species go through heat. We release a pheromone through our skin to help us attract mates. It's transferred through touch. I didn't mean to affect Ed and Kelly but it probably happened when we shook hands in the shuttle bay.
Kitan: And now they're both in artificial crippling love with you.

Malloy: Ed's been acting really strange with Darulio [too]. He seems kinda into him.
Bortus: What do you mean 'into him'?
Malloy: I mean, into him.
Isaac: Your statement is confusing. Has the captain entered Mr. Darulio in some fashion?
Malloy: Not yet.

[to Grayson] The Navarians are getting kind of cranky over there. Maybe you could go distract them with your breasts.

Mercer

Kitan: Our first officer is not on drugs.
LaMarr: Uh, wake up. This whole ship's on drugs.

Mercer: Why do we have to put people in boxes? Why even call a box 'a box'?
Malloy: I think it's just easier to have words.

Grayson: I looked into his eyes and I guess I forgot how gorgeous he is.
Kitan: Gorgeous? Really?
Grayson: Those aqua blue eyes against that deep blue skin? Ridiculous.
Kitan: My mom redid our bathroom in those colours. I guess it's nice.

Grayson: Ed, I can explain.
Mercer: I don't need it explained. You are a sexual jihadist.

The Orville Season 1 Quotes

Mercer: I know Gordon has his issues but we all know that there's nobody that can drive a starship like him.
Admiral: Didn't he once draw a penis on the main viewing screen of Outpost T-85?
Mercer: He's drawn a lot of penises on a lot of things.

Mercer: I've had some personal stuff that's been going on... It's not really worth going into... Can I have one of these mints?
Admiral: Those are marbles.