You don't scare me. You already shot your load. (he gets sprayed) ... Although you could be another skunk!

Alan (to skunk)

Alan: Charlie, if you do what I think you're going to do, I swear I will never speak to you again.
Charlie: Really? Then by all means tell me exactly what you think I'm going to do.

Lyndsey: I think you underestimate your brother.
Charlie: Oh, it's not an estimate. I already got the bill.

Lyndsey: Oh, God. You saw "Cinnamon's Buns?"
Charlie: Not all the way through. Though I'm very familiar with the bakery shop scene in the middle. You know, with the frosting gun?

Charlie: Give me in the lay of the land.
Lyndsey: You mean who in this land can you lay?

Charlie: Wow, you really missed the signals.
Alan: What signals?
Charlie: For me it was her taking off her sweater and saying, "Quick do me before Alan gets back from his trumpet lesson."

Lyndsey: I'm way past guys like you.
Charlie: What do you mean guys like me?
Lyndsey: I mean guys I have to dip ammonium before I let them anywhere near me.

Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 13 Quotes

Charlie: Wow, you really missed the signals.
Alan: What signals?
Charlie: For me it was her taking off her sweater and saying, "Quick do me before Alan gets back from his trumpet lesson."

Lyndsey: I'm way past guys like you.
Charlie: What do you mean guys like me?
Lyndsey: I mean guys I have to dip ammonium before I let them anywhere near me.