Two and a Half Men Season 7 Quotes
I'm drunk in bed with my brother and you want to know why I don't want to watch porn?
Charlie [to Alan]
Remember that time we were on a Caribbean cruise with mom and we had our own cabin? It took us three days to realize she was on a different boat
Alan
Alan: As you know, I pay my fair share of rent around here
Charlie: We probably have different definitions of fair, and share, and rent, but go on...
Chelsea [about Alan]: He pays rent, doesn't he?
Charlie: I dunno, once, maybe... at least he said he did
Alan: You missed Easter last year
Charlie: So that's how I woke up with a Cadbury egg melted in my shorts?
Alan: Sadly, no
Charlie: You're telling me that I've missed her coming and going every time?
Alan: To be fair you do have an erratic sleep schedule and that doesn't even count the blackouts
Alan: Hey, how's the intensines?
Charlie: Clean as a whistle... it's the city's problem now
Charlie: Maybe we can sweeten her vocals with a little reverb, echo, play a little guitar over it?
Studio Guy: We can play car horns and barking dogs over it, it won't help
Charlie: Anyway, she said I have to resolve the conflict because my emotions are strongly attached to my lower intestine
Alan: That makes a certain amount of sense. You think with your penis and your heads up your ass
Dr. Freeman: How's work?
Charlie: It's been pretty slow. Thankfully the house is paid off, the pension is funded, and I've give up prostitutes. Really all I need is drinking money... what's that, a couple grand a month?
Dr. Freeman: Sounds about right
Berta: That's a pretty mouth, but it's not made for singing
Jake: What's it made for?
Alan: Eating
Jake: I thought she meant oral sex
Alan: You plan on kicking me out when mom dies?
Charlie: You plan on being here when mom dies?
