Two and a Half Men Season 7 Quotes
He farts at the dinner table, how much more comfortable do we want him to be?
Charlie [about Jake]
Alan: I don't want to go to sleep angry
Charlie: Try drinking more
Alan: What will that solve?
Charlie: Sobriety
Alan: It's because of you Jake doesn't want to come here anymore
Charlie: Great, tell me what I did so I can do it to you
Charlie: Get out
Alan: What are you talking about, this is my car
Charlie: I'll buy it from you, how much?
Alan: Are we talking blue book because I just put on a new tire?
Charlie: Why can't you just sneak in candy like a normal cheapskate?
Alan: I'm way ahead of you, i still have these left over from last Halloween
Alan: I have to go to the bathroom
Charlie: You should have peed when made that left turn like I did
If you can't afford dog food, don't get a dog
Charlie [to Alan about not being in a relationship]
Alan, I'm trying to sell a house here. Warm cookies smell, good. Hot poop smell, bad
Evelyn
Chelsea [about Jake]: There has to be something beneath that sullen exterior.
Charlie: Yes, a D student with a perpetual boner.
Melissa: We should have sex in every room
Alan: I don't see why not. We'll have to bring the towel with us. Of course we're going to have to wait a half an hour to give my erectile dysfunction medicine a chance to overcome my anti depressants
Alan: I was on a date with Melissa
Charlie: How'd it go?
Alan: She broke up with me and I may have to register as a sex offender
Charlie: So at least you had fun
Charlie [about Chelsea and Jake]: ...and one of you has to go, guess who that will be?
Jake: Why, because you sleep with her?
Charlie: Good for you, why do people think you're stupid?
