Venture Brothers
Sundays 11:30 PM on Cartoon NetworkVenture Brothers Season 1 Episode 3: "Home Insecurity" Quotes
Venture and I have been engaged in a deadly game of cat and also-cat for years!
The Monarch
True, I was barely alive after my test ship broke up. But the Army saved me. It spent $6 million dollars to give me all-new bionic parts. Made me stronger, better, faster then I was. And you know what they did? They put me to work! They expected me to pay it all back! Do you know how long $6 million bucks takes to pay off on a government salary?!?
Summers
Brock: Bionic, huh? Let's see how much. [kicks him in groin]
Steve Summers: Ughhh. Right in my ...Cape Canaverals
Right now G.U.A.R.D.O., doesn't know you or me from a squad of Snake People hopped up on PCP
Dr. Venture
Hank: But Pop, you're bleeding!
Dr. Venture: Uh? Oh, this. Uh, no, it's fairly common for some men to lactate involuntarily in situations of extreme stress
Baron Underbheit: Catclops! What have you to report?
Catclops: Tourism has skyrocketed at the Well of Bitter Sorrows and the Underbheit Birth Crevasse since you enacted the mandatory attendance edict.
Baron Underbheit: Told you. Girl Hitler?
Girl Hitler: Benzene chewables have doubled production in ze child slave mines. Dilly-dallying saw a brief spike, but ve stabilized it by removing ze feet of the alpha males, Und de popular girls!
Baron Underbheit: Good! Good
Soldier #2: Who was that?
Soldier #1: Brock f***in' Samson!
Soldier #2: No way! Dibs on his cigarette butt!
Summers: Sasquatch doesn't have anything you haven't seen before.
Brock: Sasquatch is something I haven't seen before!
Dean: There's something out there, and it's made of metal, and it has Dad's face, and it wants to beat me up! This is just like my dream.
Hank: Yeah, but did you get the first aid kit?
Dr. Venture: I don't need first aid, Hank, I need you to stop choking me and hitting me with fire extinguishers
The Monarch: What is this, Diet? Why did you get Diet?!
Dr. Girlfriend: I didn't.
The Monarch: Taste this then!
Dr. Girlfriend: Okay, I might have grabbed the wrong bottle at the supermarket.
The Monarch: How do you do that!? How can you not tell the difference?! God, it's like having my Dad do the shopping
Brock: You coulda told me that Sasquatch was a...a dude.
Summers: Huh? What, you couldn't tell?
Brock: Not until I had to shave him
Baron Underbheit: You have to give me this one. I've loathed Venture ever since college.
The Monarch: Oh, who hasn't, Ãœnderpants? What makes your case so special?
[Baron points to his jaw]
The Monarch: Wow, you mean he did that? How?
Baron Underbheit: Where I come from, a lab partnership is a sacred trust. One is always suppose to look out for one's lab partner. Venture did not.
The Monarch: Fine, fine. But you have to understand you can't waltz into the middle of a delicate, high-stakes chess tournament and yell, "King me!" 'cause he bitched up your face