Mädchen Amick Quotes
Alice: You do know that several drug deals went down here tonight...
Betty: What?
Alice: And if you think that Hiram Lodge, Riverdale's answer to Scarface, helped Pop Tate for altruistic reasons, I have a bride to sell you.
Betty: Mom...
Alice: The Serpents have now officially crossed the tracks and have a total hold on the north side, so congratulations Betty. You are almost single-handedly responsible for giving crime a haven in Riverdale.
[Alice leaves]
Alice: The night of the homecoming when your father and I were crowned king and queen, the fight that FP saw, I had just told your father I was pregnant. And we disagreed on how best to handle...things. And we had a really big fight, and the next day I went away.
Betty: To the Sisters of Quiet Mercy?
Alice: Yeah, and five months later your brother was born. The Sisters arranged for a quiet adoption.
Betty: God, Mom, I'm so sorry.
Alice: It's the biggest regret of my life.
Betty: I'm so sorry.
[Crying]
Betty: It's okay, Mom.
[They hug and sob]
Polly: Wait, do you mean about great-grandpapi Cooper being murdered by a Blossom?
Hal: Betty, you're great-grandfather wasn't just murdered by a Blossom. He WAS a Blossom. After the murder, our family severed ties with the Blossoms and their name. We took a new one: Cooper.
Betty: I'm...a Blossom?!
Alice: Polly is a Blossom? Which makes her and Jason...relatives by blood. Which is why you wanted to...
Hal: Yeah. Alice, that's why.
Alice: Oh my God, Hal! If you were willing to send our daughter away to keep her away from Jason...
Betty: How far would the Blossoms go to keep them apart?
We need to get Polly out of that house.
Betty: Kevin said someone tipped off his dad. Was it you?
Alice: I was at the dance.
Betty: Answer the damn question, Mom. And don't lie. Was it you?
Alice: It was not. Though, I'm glad that you're safe and as much as I like Jughead, I am so glad that you're done with that family.
Betty: Done? I love Jughead. He's as much as my family as you are, more so right now.
Alice: You are not going anywhere, young lady.
Betty: I'm going to look for Jughead. Do not push me tonight, Mom, because I will push back.
[She leaves]
Alice: Well, well, well...Mary Andrews.
Mary: Well, well, well...Alice Cooper.
Alice: I saw you swanning in earlier with Fred and Hermione. I didn't realize that you were polyamorous.
Mary: I don't think that's an actual word.
Alice: It's a compliment, Mary.
Mary: Huh.
Alice: I couldn't be seen in the same room with those two not after all of their monkey business. Oh. Oh, did you not know?
Mary: You have been playing the same game since Junior High and it was tired even back there. Fred is a big boy and he can do as he pleases. I came here tonight to have fun with both of my dates. So if you have a problem with that...
Betty: Mom...Archie, he talked to Polly. She's okay, Mom. She didn't choose the Blossoms over us, she's actually there to spy on them.
[Sniffles and drinks]
Alice: You know, when I went after this story, I thought in the back of my mind, "What if..what if this is finally the time she doesn't come back?"
Betty: She will, Mom! Right now, she's our woman on the inside. We're going to write this story.
Jughead: Come write with us at the Blue and Gold.
Alice: The school newspaper?!
Jughead: Yea, it's what we are, but I'm pretty sure our annual operating budget is bigger than the Register's.
Alice: You must be loving this, Hermione. Providing sanctuary to my daughter. Asking me here to...what...gloat?
Hermione: I asked you here because I'm trying to help. So what is your plan for Polly? What do you want?
Alice: I want my daughter back. I want my family back together.
Hermione: Then it's time to face the facts.
Alice: Hermione, Polly is a teenager. She hasn't even finished high school, the father of her baby has been murdered. You want to play house with her and throw her a baby shower? Fine. But the very next day, all of those things will still be true. And she's supposed to...what...raise a child?!
Hermione: Mothers do it every day. We did it. Come to the shower, be there for Polly, help her. Otherwise, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life.
Cheryl: Oh Polly, come stay with us at Thorn Hill!
Penelope: Cheryl's invitation is...genuine. Thorn Hill's gates will always be open to you. The child would want for nothing. You would want for nothing.
Alice: [Sighs] Do you think you can just waltz in here with a bed bug-infested Trojan horse, wave a blank check around, and steal my daughter?
Penelope: I didn't think you wanted her, or else, why would she be exiled like some pariah?
Alice: To keep her away from your family!
Penelope: Oh...and not because you're ashamed? Why is your own daughter not living with you?
Alice: She's not gonna step foot in that twisted, poisonous house of yours!
Cheryl: She should be so lucky.
Betty: Cheryl, that's not helping.
Penelope: She'd do a lot better there than with you.
Alice: How dare you!
Betty: The night of the drive-in. Did you break into Sheriff Keller's house and steal his case files?
Mr. Cooper: What?!
Betty: You weren't at the drive-in. You weren't with mom when she put Ms. Grundy on trial. Where were you?
Mr. Cooper: Betty, what do you think I did?
Betty: Did you kill Jason Blossom?
[Alice Cooper laughs]
Mrs. Cooper: Him? You think that he killed Jason? Your father? You think that he has the stomach for that?!
Mr. Cooper: Alice...
Mrs. Cooper: I wish he killed Jason. I wish I had. After what Jason did to Polly. I swear Elizabeth. You're sounding crazy just like your sister.
Betty: Stop saying that, Mom. She's not crazy!
Betty: You should be writing about the real story. What happened to Jason? Who was holding him captive? Why was he frozen? And who shot that gun on July 4?
Mrs. Cooper: Yes, well if you're so keen on reporting, then why don't you come work with your father and me? The Register could really use a Lois Lane type like you.
Mrs. Cooper: Hermoine Lodge. Park Ave Princess to cater waiter.
Mrs. Lodge: Alice Cooper. No longer lactose intolerant, I see.
Mrs. Cooper: How's Veronica? Oh, you don't even know, do you? The things they're saying about your daughter at school?
Mrs. Lodge: What things?
Mrs. Cooper: Slut-shaming. It's what they call it when sluts get shamed.
