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Review Quotes


Russ confiscates a video camera from a school production of "Flight of the Bumble Bee" to use in a stakeout. "Try not to record over that," he says when he's asked where he got the camera.

There isn't much that goes right on this stakeout. Ah hell and aw geez being the most operative words.

Russ, using his circa 1995 computer, writes to a 60 Minutes about the horrible conditions under which they work. 

After catching the bad guys, he enters the office with eclairs and dusts off his Officer of the Year awards. Instead of getting the new equipment and training he so desires, his boss offers "help."

That help is coming in the form of Milton Chamberlain, a man receiving a going away party at the Department of Justice. It seems like they're not going to be sorry to see the door hit him in the ass on his way out.

The Battle Creek department wonders why in the hell they need an FBI office. He shares he grew up in a small town, so he's so glad to be there. Michigan? No. Monaco. Same thing!

The agree it's a little distracting how good looking Milton is. When the phone rings, Russ expects it to be Mrs. Seymour about Magnum PI again. Instead, Milton answers and is the lead on a double homicide. 

Milton carries a bag of blue booties to keep the scene uncontaminated. Russ isn't impressed. While Russ goes about detecting, Milton plans on using all of the analysis crap available to him. Russ looks at it as a challenge. He wants to solve in one hour, talking to people, what Milton will solve in 24 using his crime lab. Everyone offers coffee cake, saying the TV was on.

Russ tries to piece it together, but Milton does it better and it's like being beaten down. Ironically, he gets the information by chatting over coffee cake. Later, in the office, people love the elcairs Milt brought, when Holly points out Russ brought in the same ones the other day.

When they're back on the street, Russ realizes the reason Milt gets lucky is because he's good looking. He also thinks that's why he's in Battle Creek. Because it wears on people after a while.

After a while, Russ is in awe of the connections Milt has. He cannot figure out how Milt can be a cop and be this naive. He's determined nothing bad has ever happened to him.

Despite the fact Milt never bluffs, Russ decides at a certain point they need to do it the Battle Creek way. They're going to get a guy to ID someone bluff their way. Milt says he wanted to work with Russ because he is willing to risk his career for the sake of his community. He essentially scares the crap out of Russ just before the DA proves him correct and says there's no deal.

Milt tells Russ he just spoke to his boss and that he still has his job because he said it was his idea. Russ cannot believe it. Now he owes him. A car drives by bullets blazing. Russ is shot. Russ is in the hospital and Holly visits. He thinks he's a loser next to Milt. Everything is Milt does is naive and simplistic and better than him, but he wants to prove he's better than him. Holly says he is better than Milt. 

Russ goes to Milt's place. It looks like someplace James Bond would be crashing. Milt continues to be naive and simplistic and things continue to go his way. Russ continues to be pragmatic and get shows up by Milt.

Russ' gut leads him to realize it's not flesh on the gun, but anchovies. He takes a taste, knowing it's Ricky who is the shooter, the very guy Milt has been protecting. The girl who ODed was Ricky's half sister. He wanted the drug dealer to go down all along. Milt saves the day.

When Milt is being given what appears to be a key to the city, he calls Russ to the podium with him, not prepared to accept all of the praise. The next day, only Milt's side of the photo with his arm wrapped around Russ is in the photo.

Battle Creek
Episode Number:

Battle Creek Season 1 Episode 1 Quotes

Milton: It looks like we got a double homicide.
Russ: No, no, no. Magnum gets double homicides. Rockford gets double homicides. Here, let me get this.

I'll tell you what, Mrs. Seymour. First thing next week, I'll fly to Hawaii and arrest Tom Selleck for you. How does that sound?