Desperate Housewives Quotes

Tom: Remember last time you were pregnant with twins? Every part of you swelled up. It was like sleeping next to a body they dragged out…

Ana: I love him. Did you hear me? I said I love him. Gabrielle: I heard you, I was swallowing vomit.

Gabrielle: Are you sleeping with John Rowland? Ana: He’s my boss. Gabrielle: And the oscar goes to… Not you!

Gabrielle: Ana bought condoms in what looked like a valu-Pack. John: Wow. I had no idea she was that serious. I mean, I was only flirting…

Carlos: You’ve got some admirers out there. Lynette: Oh? Carlos: Yeah, as you walked by, I heard one of them say, “check out the rack on…

Karen: When Roy’s spirits are drooping, the problem is global. You get the picture? Lynette: Getting the picture isn’t the problem. It’s…

Susan: Oh my God! Katherine, the gun just went off. Are you all right? Katherine: You tried to kill me! Susan: Okay, I just shot you….

Gabrielle: Laura, you’re kind of a wet blanket since you quit smoking. Why don’t you try a pipe?

Ana: Why does a fish get caught? Danny: Because he opens his mouth.

Tom: What’s that smell? Lynette: Despair. Tom: Oh. I thought it was waffles.