The Happy Couple - Schitt's Creek
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Recap

David is woken up to the news that the wedding venue has fallen through thanks to the terrible weather. 

He worries, and Patrick says that he has lined him up a massage to give him a break as he knew the day would be stressful. 

David gets a "happy ending" from the masseur, and finds himself trying to explain to Patrick. 

Patrick is shocked, but realizes how it looks that he left an envelope full of cash and tells the man to take care of his husband-to-be. 

The family rallies with the town to bring the wedding to fruition, and it means using the town hall. 

Moira ordains the wedding in a wild outfit, and the happy couple gets married. 

The next morning, things take a turn and David, Patrick, Alexis, and Stevie say goodbye to Moira and Johnny, but admit they have not slept. 

Roland promises there's a surprise for them when they leave the town, and he's updated the town sign to the family, and it highlights the effect they had on the town. 

Alexis prepares to leave town for good, but worries about the future. 

What will become of everyone?

Show:
Schitt's Creek
Season:
Episode Number:
14
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Schitt's Creek Season 6 Episode 14 Quotes

David: What happened? Who died?
Johnny: Who died?
David: Did Patrick die?
Alexis: No, Patrick didn't die, David.
David: Then why did you startle me awake like this? My mind went straight to some unthinkable tragedy, like something really really bad happened.
Johnny: Oh, imagine.
Moira: Well, the day did have a slight segultis.
David: What is she talking about?
Moira: A hiccup.
David: What hiccup, who's hiccuping?
Alexis: Ok, David shush for a minute. There was a big storm last night, and things got a bit wet.
David: How wet?
Johnny: We've been looking into changing venues.
David: Oh my god. To where? Bob's Garage?
Moira: Um, no, his roof was no match for the cumulous clouds.
David: I've woken up in a Black Mirror episode.
Alexis: This might be a stupid question because there's like literally nothing you can do about it, but why didn't you guys get a tent?
Johnny: Not helping, Alexis.
David: Because I wanted the wood fire pizza over and we couldn't afford both. Someone has to call the officiant. He's on his way from Elm Dale. What happened to Fabian?
Johnny: He canceled because of the rain.
Moira: What kind of an adult man rides a penny far thing?

Patrick: Wow, that massage really did a number, huh?
David: Ya, that was the first time I have ever received a happy ending.
Patrick: Sorry, what did you just say?
Patrick: The happy ending that the masseur gave me. I've always heard about things like that, but it's never actually happened. Did you have to pay extra for that?
Patrick: I didn't pay for a happy ending. I paid for a massage. He gave you a happy ending? On our wedding day?
David: I thought you wanted that.
Stevie: See, this is what Ray should be filming.
Patrick: Why would I want you to get a happy ending from a stranger on our wedding day, David.
David: You tell me! Because I was stressed out and you told me you wanted to distress me. I just assumed you knew what you were paying for. I was both shocked and impressed.
Stevie: Okay, but to be clear, you didn't stop it from happening?
David: Okay, Marcia Clark. Court's adjourned for the day.
Patrick: This is unbelievable. At no point was that ever discussed. All I did was leave an envelope full of cash and a note that said to take very good care of you. And now that I've said those words out loud, I can see how a certain kind of person would interpret that the wrong way.
Stevie: Okay, but was it good at least?
Patrick: Do not answer that. Was it? Don't.