Watch Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 9
"Phase One, Complete"
Original Air Date:

Charlie wants to dump the latest girl he's been sleeping with, but Jake has grown close to her. Alan and Rose bond over a game of Scrabble.

Watch Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 8
"Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful"
Original Air Date:

Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith as they lead Jake and his classmates in school's annual music show.

Watch Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 7
"If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake"
Original Air Date:

Judith gets worried when Jake begins drawing sketches of a naked female friend of Charlie's that has been wandering around the house half naked.

Watch Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 6
"Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?"
Original Air Date:

Charlie and his mother, Evelyn, end up dating two people that are related.

Watch Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 5
"The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump"
Original Air Date:

Jake's soccer league leads to Alan and Charlie meeting some very sexy soccer moms.

Watch Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 4
"If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap"
Original Air Date:

Alan is having troubles with Charlie's sarcastic maid, Berta. Charlie is trying to get Jake and Rose to listen to him.

Watch Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 3
"Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell"
Original Air Date:

Alan fears he's losing custody of his son Jake so he goes out drinking with his brother Charlie.

Watch Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 2
"Big Flappy Bastards"
Original Air Date:

Charlie tries to learn how to be a parent with his nephew Jake around, while Alan tries to win back his ex-wife, Judith.

Watch Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 1
"Pilot"
Original Air Date:

Charlie's life is turned upside down when his brother, Alan, and nephew, Jake, move in with him into his Malibu Beach house.

Two and a Half Men Quotes

Charlie: Oh, try MalibuPuddingGirls.com.
Alan: Pudding Girls?
Charlie: Trust me.
Alan: Oh ... ew.

Charlie: For every gorgeous woman out there's a guy tired of banging her.
Alan: But that guy is never me.